tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19217059676909950882024-03-19T16:10:29.490-06:00On Purpose Life CoachingLive Your Life On PurposeShawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.comBlogger156125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-11969716527850746792017-10-03T06:00:00.000-06:002017-10-03T06:00:23.650-06:00Why Aren't We Happy?<div style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPhouatGreLdysMwZUB1CyzFqTUu-ejNY2RgLWdcVMRIXzocI52Qp6gSIFMP7mIdZJOCQevPvobGTMp5js90x-akyZwHOdsTveLDCUXv6OfHP7QlqqFHuTgIF2Dfzh7C9VhoUfTU8mVxU/s1600/Fall+tree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="565" data-original-width="849" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPhouatGreLdysMwZUB1CyzFqTUu-ejNY2RgLWdcVMRIXzocI52Qp6gSIFMP7mIdZJOCQevPvobGTMp5js90x-akyZwHOdsTveLDCUXv6OfHP7QlqqFHuTgIF2Dfzh7C9VhoUfTU8mVxU/s320/Fall+tree.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Life doesn't <em>give</em> you happiness – it's your contributions to it and the actions you take that create the feelings you desire. The focus on immediate gratification and the pursuit of pleasure is an epidemic; the priority on fun and fair, and easy and exciting. Avoiding discomfort like the plague, by trading momentary pleasure, for self-confidence and joy. There seems to be a belief that we must feel good all the time, and that it should be easy and readily available with little effort on our part. The irony is, this is exactly why so many are miserable and living in a perpetual state of anxiety. Trying to feel good all the time, prevents us from doing what we need to do in order to create true confidence in ourselves and a more sustainable peace. A peace forged from taking on life’s challenges and doing what's necessary.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><strong><em>"You can't get much done in life if you only work on the days when you feel good." </em></strong></span><strong style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>~ Jerry West</em></strong></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Much of this mind frame has to do with messages in the media that support instant gratification. Another contributing factor is the well-meaning, but often misguided approach for fostering healthy self-esteem in children. Sometimes, rather than building resilience, and hence, internal confidence, the pendulum swings too far, shielding kids from discomfort altogether. <b><i>By always finding the positive, always preventing failing and falling, and always protecting them from tough choices and harsh realities, these children are now adults who lack emotional mastery.</i></b> Unfamiliar with feeling disappointment or failure or regret or sadness, they interpret these emotions as bad, and to be avoided. This creates stress, fear, and ultimately stagnation. This method of instilling self-confidence, although genuine and sincere, means that many now lack the ability to handle adversity and strife.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><strong><em>“You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously.” ~ J. Donald Walters</em></strong></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As adults, there <em>is </em>an importance placed on doing a good job, getting things done and being proactive. Bosses don't give out a participation ribbon because we show up at work –<em>thirty minutes late,</em> and we shouldn't receive <em>ongoing </em>praise from a spouse because we took the garbage out – <em>whoopee, you did what needed to be done. </em>Rather than being internally driven, we're externally motivated, and when this reassurance falters, we falter. Our primary way of feeling good and happy and reassured, isn't there. When we're geared this way, we become dependent on the external to fill the happiness and confidence tank. This isn't sustainable and will eventually wain. W<em>hat happened to the reward for just being? What happened to the praise for simply showing up?</em></span><br />
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><strong><em>“As we get past our superficial material wants and instant gratification we connect to a deeper part of ourselves, as well as to others, and the world.”</em></strong></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Joy and confidence comes from making choices and taking action to honor our values. It isn't born from the approval of others, or from immediate or superficial pleasures, but rather from showing a commitment to ourselves. This is integrity, and as Dr.<b style="background-color: white; color: #222222; text-align: start;"> </b><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Brené Brown</span> says, "integrity is choosing courage over comfort." You know what you want; the kind of life, meaning, relationships and to make it happen,<i> <strong>you must choose to do what feels uncomfortable, scary and hard. </strong></i>This is where confidence is born; from facing what's difficult and doing what you didn't think you could do, and from feeling uncomfortable and plunging ahead. <em>Do and modify</em>. Do and modify, and through this process you will begin to trust and believe in yourself, no longer<em> relying</em> on the recognition from others, or instant gratification to feel happy, you will learn to create happiness for yourself. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-88107521925760113572017-06-27T06:00:00.000-06:002017-06-27T06:00:20.788-06:005 SECRETS OF CONFIDENT PEOPLE<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>"Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit” ~E.E Cummings</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b>1. THEY CHALLENGE THE LIES</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">They tell the truth. They stand for it, seek it and live it. Voices of denial and voices of persecution are given equal weight, and both are dealt with swiftly and compassionately. They don't allow themselves to live in fear; they square up and take reality as it is, and as it comes. They also don't allow themselves to become a victim of their own negative self-talk and self-limiting beliefs. They square up to that as well ; challenge it, replace it and move on.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b>Your Turn:</b> See your life and yourself as you are, right now. Own and grow from it. You no longer beat yourself, changing negative self-talk and taking full responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and actions.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b><span style="color: blue;">“It’s not what you say out of your mouth that determines your life, it’s what you whisper to yourself that has the most power!” ~Robert T. Kiosaki </span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b>2. THEY STOP TRYING TO FIX THEMSELVES</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">They embrace who they are. They learn about their strengths, what energizes them and they stop trying to fix weaknesses. If your life is aggressively organized around what makes you feel good, your weaknesses become a footnote<i>.</i> One person’s weakness is another man’s strength - outsource, give away, give up and move on.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b>Your Turn:</b> Identify when you feel your best, are in the flow and you lose track of time. Do more of this and less of the things that drain your energy. Own and live your personality – introvert, extrovert, left or right-brained; self-acceptance is one of the keys to self-confidence.</span></div>
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<b style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">3. THEY DO NOT NEED TO PLEASE</b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Tuned into their values and what they need, they don't desire to win favor or approval from others by disregarding their own needs. They offer themselves generously and love to connect, but never at the expense of self-respect and self-care.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b>Your Turn:</b> Know what you want, what you value and what you need: rest, honesty, fun, a phone call before they pop over? Graciously express this and live by it.</span></div>
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<b style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">4. THEY OWN THEIR MISTAKES AND THEY ROLL WITH THEIR FAILURES</b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">They know that mistakes are inevitable and see them as a worthwhile cost to taking risks and trying new things. They own up, apologize, make amends, learn from it and move on. Failure becomes a breeding ground for growth and fostering human compassion, not a notch on the, “look at how much I suck”, belt.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b>Your Turn:</b> Take responsibility, drop the victim-hood and don't blame. What did you do? What could you have done? What did you learn? Failure isn't a reason to stop; it's a message to re-evaluate and approach in a new way. Celebrate the failures as an indication of a life challenged and well-lived.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b><span style="color: blue;">“Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale </span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b>5. THEY AVOID THE,<i> I LOOK GOOD, THEREFORE I FEEL CONFIDENT</i> TRAP</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">They don't base their confidence on anything external: the malleable and shift-able such as: appearance, weight, money, relationships. Their confidence is based on excellent self-care, self-acceptance, and the recognition of their strengths and the building of their skills. They respect their bodies and care for it because of what it allows them to do and feel, and they enjoy the expression of it. Size, age or bank account balance don't erode or foster self-confidence. Instead, their self-confidence compels them to make the choices and take the actions that affirm their value and worth.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b>Your Turn:</b> Take care of yourself, eat well, exercise and honor your body. Take time each day to express gratitude for what your body does for you, how it functions. Enjoy moving it, dressing it, loving with it, creating with it. Hold your head up and own it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><b><i>True self-confidence, the kind you can’t buy in a store, receive from someone else, lose enough weight to find or make enough money to attain, comes from accepting yourself, taking risks and living your life in a way that honors who you are, not who you think you should be or wish you were</i>. </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Confidence comes from taking risks and seeing that you can survive and better yet – THRIVE. Self-confidence is an active state and is the acceptance of yourself and your place in the world based on who you are are, not just what you do. It is the practice of honoring, growing and supporting yourself as you journey through life. </span></div>
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Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-28372095801297072332017-06-19T06:00:00.000-06:002017-06-19T06:00:05.246-06:005 STEPS TO LIVING YOUR DREAM<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Are you chasing a dream that doesn't belong to you? And who does it belong to? A parent, your spouse, or maybe you, from years gone by? I see this predicament quite often. It shows up as lazy and unmotivated, unsatisfied and burnt-out. This is how my clients will present themselves, “If I was just more disciplined and motivated then I would achieve x,y,z, then I will be happy.” </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It's easy to chase dreams that don't belong to us; we're fed a continuous diet of glitz and glam, celebrity and reality TV and so it goes. It can be difficult to see where our hopes and dreams lie, and where the world’s propaganda<i> lies.</i> It almost seems abnormal to not want it all; to not be striving constantly in the hopes of reaching the pinnacle of all that is, as determined by others. <i>But I don't want that, just to want that, and I hope, neither do you.</i> What if your dream became aligned with what you really long to experience and feel and embrace each day?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Well for starters, you might take steps, follow-through and find energy you didn't know you had. You might enjoy going to work and learning and taking risks. You might feel more connected to yourself and in-love with who you are and the life you are living. You might feel more purposeful and inspired and you might begin to live the dream, here and now.</span></div>
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<i><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">“If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all.” ~ Anna Quindlen</span></i></div>
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<b><span style="color: #e69138; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">HERE'S HOW YOU DO IT:</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b> 1. THINK WITH THE END IN MIND</b>: This is your life and eventually, it'll come to an end. Other’s ideas can be a resource, but it'll be you that lives the consequences of your choices, each and every day. What do you want to be able to say about your life? What do you want to feel and experience?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><span style="color: #3d85c6;">HOW:</span></b> Write your eulogy. If you were to describe your life, what would you most want to say about it? Of what were you most proud and satisfied? What brought you great joy? How did you handle difficulty and challenges?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>2. INCREASE SELF-AWARENESS:</b> Get to know yourself, what makes you tick, what you like, what is getting in the way. Play with ideas, try and experiment.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><span style="color: #3d85c6;">HOW: </span></b>Have fun, try new things, and revisit childhood interest and hopes. Emulate others whose lives you admire. <i>And for the love all that is, turn off, unplug and get quiet long enough to hear the answer.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>3. EXCUSE YOU:</b> Pay attention to excuses. <i>Where there's an abundance of excuses, there's usually a deep desire, married with fear, which results in inaction.</i> Tricky little buggers - excuses. Change your beliefs, challenge them and recognize them for what they are.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><span style="color: #3d85c6;">HOW:</span></b> Take responsibly for your life. Recognize excuses as fear and not the truth. Get support, create structure and follow a plan to move you towards your goals and dreams. Get assistance and learn how to handle the voices that want you stay comfortable and locked into old patterns. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>4. CREATE BOUNDARIES:</b> Yes, all your sisters are teachers, your brother is saving the world and so and so next door is writing novel. Bravo to them and hopefully it's purpose creating and life enhancing, for them … but when Mom and Grandma and best friend, insist that they know what you should be doing, criticize your choices or beg you to “give it a try” when it's clear that you can talk to children about as well as can speak Italian or you're just trying to save yourself and writing a grocery list is a feat, then their suggestions must be quelled once and for all.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><span style="color: #3d85c6;">HOW:</span></b> Speak your mind, share your truth and thank them for caring. Do it often and be consistent with repeat offenders. You must stand up for you, so that your dream is given a voice and a place of honor. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>5. TAKE ACTION: </b>Dreaming can only take you so far. Take a step, a leap and make a stand. Do it consistently and then change course, adapt and reevaluate as needed, but keep moving. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><span style="color: #3d85c6;">HOW:</span></b> Create the vision, feel it and believe it, but remain present because your future, your dream, is happening here and now and exists in every choice you commit to, every boundary you create and every action you take - today.</span><br />
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Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-9105702652405932772017-06-05T06:00:00.000-06:002017-06-05T06:00:43.704-06:0015 WAYS TO KNOW IF THEY'RE THE ONE<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwji7_fZ8DGKCmMyiJEtWmR6ioWAaSq04voKbHjadYQNobo0gX1UpJi0fho_3HUiYAabiMdE2jlQFrv8wR09uSwDXb30y17uStdgLjZTC86NWiQc3L1uevZIjP3y31SGqu7ihlYlKBVdI/s1600/Heart+Maze.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="693" data-original-width="693" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwji7_fZ8DGKCmMyiJEtWmR6ioWAaSq04voKbHjadYQNobo0gX1UpJi0fho_3HUiYAabiMdE2jlQFrv8wR09uSwDXb30y17uStdgLjZTC86NWiQc3L1uevZIjP3y31SGqu7ihlYlKBVdI/s200/Heart+Maze.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">I've</span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;"> noticed a trend lately in my coaching sessions: love and relationships, getting the one, is he or she the right one and keeping, growing or improving the one. I'm seeing clients at all different stages, ages and with different challenges on the love spectrum and the underlying theme is, <i>how do I have a real, committed, connected relationship? </i></span></span><br />
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<b><span style="line-height: 17.12px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e69138; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">ARE THEY THE <i>ONE</i>?</span></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="line-height: 17.12px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Maybe you're dating or have been in a relationship for a bit and you're trying to determine if it's healthy, worth working on or if you're ready to commit to this person? People often love the idea of the person: who they sometimes are, who they could be and the loneliness they fill, but don't really love the person and how they're showing up right now.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When I ask my clients what they're looking for in a partner, they list a number of qualities, most of them personality traits: funny, smart, outgoing or they list life values, such as: loyal, hardworking and generous, and of course attributes: tall, athletic and so on. <b>This looks like a decent list, but this isn't how you decide if he or she is the one.</b><i><span style="color: #b45f06;"><b> </b></span></i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><span style="color: #b45f06;"><b><span style="color: #c45911; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;"><br /></span></b></span></i></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #b45f06; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><span style="color: #b45f06;"><b><span style="color: #c45911; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;">How you really decide is based on how safe you feel to be yourself and how safe you feel growing and sharing in the relationship.</span> </b></span></i><b><i><span style="color: #b45f06;">You decide because you 100% respect who they are right now and you feel 100% respected in return</span></i>.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span lang="EN-US">The other things on your list are bonus features, upgrades and sometimes deal breakers, but what you need to look for are character values - solid values that promote the two primary functions of any relationship - pleasure and growth. John Gottman is a Psychologist who runs the Love Lab and he describes it this way,</span><span lang="EN-US"> "<i>a relationship should serve dual functions,</i> <i>a “Den of pleasure”—for fun, companionship, sex, laughter, etc. which you as a human need…and a “Laboratory for growth." This is the ultimate place of challenge for you to be nurtured and to grow, where you inspire one another’s character development."</i></span><span lang="EN-US"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span lang="EN-US">A person of solid character will understand that love is an opportunity to share in this journey with joy and grace and will also weather the challenges with a curiosity and willingness to grow with you. You'll have an abundance of pleasurable times and a safe, mutually respectful connection that makes the growing pains worth it. You'll feel secure to express feelings and what you need. You'll each take responsibility for your actions and reactions and you are willing to learn just as much about yourself, as you want to learn about your partner.</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #48423f;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; line-height: 17.12px;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b>“True love is supposed to make you into a better person-uplift you.”<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></b></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; line-height: 17.12px;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b>~ Emily Giffin<o:p></o:p></b></i></span></span><br />
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<b><span style="line-height: 17.12px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #c55a11;">SO, HOW DO YOU KNOW IF THEY ARE </span><span style="color: #b45f06;"><i>THE ONE</i>?</span></span><span style="color: #c55a11;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">1. If you keep arguing about and dealing with the same issues and there's never a change or action taken to improve.<b> N</b></span><i style="line-height: 17.12px;"><b>ot the one.</b></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 17.12px;"><i><br /></i></span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">2. You feel like a sadder, more stressed version of yourself, more often than you don't. <b>N</b></span><b><i style="line-height: 17.12px;">ot the one</i><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">.</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 17.12px;"><br /></span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">3. Either one of you would have to change a ton in order to be acceptable, happy and feel safe with the other person. <b><i>N</i></b></span><b><i><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">ot the one</span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">.</span></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 17.12px;"><br /></span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">4. You start to question why there's so much wrong with you and why you're so broken. </span><b><i style="line-height: 17.12px;">Not the one</i><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">.</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 17.12px;"><br /></span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">5. You are physically and/or</span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;"> emotionally abused. </span><i style="line-height: 17.12px;"><b>Definitely not the one</b>.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">6. They make you entirely responsible for their happiness and vice versa. <b>N</b></span><i style="line-height: 17.12px;"><b>ot the one.</b></i><br /><span style="line-height: 17.12px;"><i><br /></i></span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">7. You see patterns of behavior repeated and no matter how much they hurt you and they promise to change – they don't. <b>N</b></span><b><i style="line-height: 17.12px;">ot the one</i><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">.</span></b><br /><span style="line-height: 17.12px;"><br /></span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">8. When you're </span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">consistently</span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;"> making excuses for them, rather than bragging about them. <b>N</b></span><i style="line-height: 17.12px;"><b>ot the one.</b></i><br /><span style="line-height: 17.12px;"><i><br /></i></span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">9. You should not, could not or would not bring them home to Grandma. <b>N</b></span><i style="line-height: 17.12px;"><b>ot the one.</b></i><br /><span style="line-height: 17.12px;"><i><br /></i></span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">10.You wouldn't want your niece, best friend or brother to date a person like this person. <b><i>N</i></b></span><i style="line-height: 17.12px;"><b>ot the one.</b></i><br /><span style="line-height: 17.12px;"><i><br /></i></span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">11.You always feel confused, unclear and question everything about the relationship.<b> N</b></span><i style="line-height: 17.12px;"><b>ot the one.</b></i><br /><span style="line-height: 17.12px;"><i><br /></i></span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">12.You're losing friends and important relationships in your life. <b><i>N</i></b></span><i><b><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">ot the one</span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">.</span></b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 17.12px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">13.You're always worried about what they're doing when you aren't together. </span><i style="line-height: 17.12px;"><b>Not the one</b>.</i><br /><span style="line-height: 17.12px;"><i><br /></i></span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">14.One or both of you is acting out, walking out or taking it out on the other person when there are challenging conversations or difficult feelings. </span><i style="line-height: 17.12px;"><b>Not the one.</b></i><br /><span style="line-height: 17.12px;"><i><br /></i></span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">15.Your life vision does not jive and important values will never match (religion, kids or no kids, Star Wars is better than Star Trek etc.) <b><i>Not the one.</i></b></span><br /><span style="line-height: 17.12px; text-align: justify;"><br /></span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 17.12px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So in a nutshell - <b><span style="color: #0b5394;">If you do not LOVE WHO <i>YOU</i> ARE with this person, they are probably <u>not the one</u> for you.</span></b></span></span><br />
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Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-87945401469357056342017-05-30T06:00:00.000-06:002017-05-30T06:00:06.669-06:00THE 5 MOST DANGEROUS LIES<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i><b>“The worst lies are the lies we
tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this
because we’re afraid.” ~Richard Bach<o:p></o:p></b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Lies are impeding your life.
False beliefs, outdated ideas, unchallenged stories and scripts that are
getting in the way of all that you say you want and most desire. These ideas
become habituated responses to any new plans or goals and when left
unchallenged, maintain status quo, with no chance of escape. Many of them are perpetuated in society or worn as a badge of honor: <i>I don’t have enough time, I’m too old
or it's too late </i>and on they go. We nod in robotic agreement, consent and continue
to idly peruse what are other people are doing by scrolling endlessly through Facebook.
Isn’t it time we told the truth, <b><i>what could happen if</i></b> you were
completely honest with yourself, challenged these falsehoods and told a more
accurate story?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: -18pt;"><b><span style="color: #b45f06;">You
might realize your dreams! </span></b>Well, you'll certainly be a lot closer, experience
more joy and curiosity in life and will have learned something and met
interesting people along the way.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: -18pt;"><b style="color: #b45f06;">You
will build confidence. </b>Confidence comes from taking risks and this means
feeling afraid and doing it anyway. These lies or limiting beliefs are a protective
mechanism that allow us to stay safe. But they also encourage us to play
smaller than we want and to resist change and to stay stuck.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: -18pt;"><b><span style="color: #b45f06;">Experience more day to day satisfaction and
joy.</span></b> Working </span><i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: -18pt;">On Purpose</i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: -18pt;">, with
intention, with the aim of affirming your value and creating positive feelings
every day comes from actively participating in doing something to reinforce
what you want to believe.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">HOW:</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Recognize, challenge and reframe
the beliefs. Beliefs are simply a thought you've had over and over again until you “convinced” yourself and lived like it were true. What if you
had another, healthier, more empowering thought over and over until it was just as true? There are a handful of beliefs that I
hear time and again and when their feet are put to the fire, they give in
faster than you can say, mercy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i><b>“We
speak about losing our minds as if it is a bad thing. I say, lose your mind. Do
it purposefully. Find out who you really are beyond your thoughts and beliefs.
Lose your mind, find your soul.” ~ Vironika Tugaleva</b></i></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><i><span style="color: #b45f06;">1. I
don’t have time?</span></i></b> Really? Sometimes maybe, but as an ongoing mantra of why you
cannot exercise, go to school, phone a friend, hmm... maybe time to challenge
this one? If it is important to you , you will (and historically) have found
time – the newest episode of Mad Men, no problemo, but 30 minutes to work on
your book, <i>too busy</i>.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: -18pt;"><b><span style="color: #b45f06;">2. I
don’t know enough.</span></b> Sure and you </span><i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: -18pt;">never
will</i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: -18pt;">. There is always more to learn and people who know more. Granted if
you are a first year medical student, open heart surgery requires a touch more experience
and knowledge, but the endless game of needing to be perfect or more
experienced means we would never practice, improve, or in theory have any
surgeons. I see this play out when people do not apply for the job, start a
company or share what they know. Someone, somewhere will benefit – put yourself
out there and see what happens.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: -18pt;"><b><span style="color: #b45f06;">3. I
am too old or it is too late.</span></b> Google people in their eighties going back to
school, climbing Mount Everest, learning to read, taking up a hobby or starting
a business – they are not urban myths, they exist! There may be modifications
to the dream or goal, however some part of your interest and passions can be
explored – the choice is yours.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: -18pt;"><b><span style="color: #b45f06;">4. I don’t have enough money</span></b>. Maybe not all of it
and not right now, but there is a starting place, a creative solution,
long-term planning and support. As the saying goes, “Rome was
not built in a day.” </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: -18pt;"> How could you start
today?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: -18pt;"><b><span style="color: #b45f06;">5. Success is the opposite of failure.</span></b> <i>No, no and
no.</i> As one of my instructors, Sandy Newbigging said, “In life, you either get
the results you wanted or the reasons you didn’t.” Failure is feedback and information.
Success is a process of adapting to this feedback, taking steps, enjoying the
journey and unfolding more and more each day.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><i>“You do not need to become
courageous, but rather peel back the layers of self-protective, limiting
beliefs that keep you small.” ~ Vironika Tugleva</i></b></span></div>
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<o:p></o:p></span>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The core beliefs under all of these falsehoods are along the
vein of, I'm<i> not good enough, I'm a
failure, I'm not smart enough, other’s will be mad, nothing every works
for me </i>and so on. Wherever you're holding back, pay attention to the inner
dialogue: <i>I wish I could, I
would love to</i> but you never do. What did you tell yourself that stopped you
before you even started? This is the “lie” the outdated belief, the myth - challenge it
and ask, is it true? How's this helping me? Hindering me? What could I believe
instead? Start saying that over and over and taking small, consistent steps to
enforce it, and watch <b>what could happen if… you moved beyond belief!</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-85955975169270348732017-05-23T06:00:00.000-06:002017-05-23T09:23:03.512-06:00DOES EVERYTHING HAPPEN FOR A REASON?<br />
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We've all heard it and we've all uttered this well-meaning comment, <i>everything happens for a reason</i>. After a loss, a divorce, an illness or a missed opportunity, this gets tossed around like confetti at a wedding. I agree with the literal interpretation of this comment; there are reasons. What I do not agree with, is the idea that there is some mysterious, divine plan; a behind the scenes mechanization conspiring to make events just so. Reasons we're meant to be unaware of, creating events that are used for the purpose of cattle prodding us to make a change or to take up a cause or to encourage us to go left instead of right.<br />
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It's said to explain the unexplainable, when the reasons are so difficult to grasp or the outcome so painful that we must, as humans do, try to find and create meaning where there is none. Lose a child. <i>Everything happens for a reason</i>. Yes, but no matter what – the reason is not good enough. Someone is killed by a drunk driver. <i>Everything happens for a reason</i>. A family’s home is lost in a flood. <i>Everything happens for a reason.</i> Oh, but the neighbor's house was saved. Everything happens for a reason?<br />
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<b><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: large;">AN END TO THE MEANS</span></b><br />
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I simply cannot accept that there's any reason that justifies the suffering, cruelty, poverty and injustice that many people are facing. Not - you will be stronger, closer to god, find a new career path, meet your partner, move to a new home or run a marathon –NOTHING. I truly hope the reason a child gets cancer, someone is killed by a drunk drive or that a family loses their home in a flood, isn't so that they or others can come up with a cure, champion a cause or start a charity. <b><i>The reason should not be a means to an end, but sometimes it can be the end to the means. </i></b>The reason something happens isn't so you will fight the fight or take up a cause. That is the result! The result of the human need to create meaning, to share what we know and to forge ahead. We get a result and we make a choice on how to respond and react based on our values, our needs and what we want in the future. Sometimes the result is change and growth, changing rules, helping each other and sometimes, it's not.</div>
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<b><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: large;">LET'S BE REASONABLE</span></b><br />
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It can be comforting to believe that events are part of an unfolding plan and that there are no mistakes or accidents. It can cause us to see others’ misfortunes, poverty and illness as part of a larger plan. It can lead us to believe that goodness begets goodness and evil will get its dues. It can lull us into a sense of, all is the way it should be or needs to be. Well, I believe individually and collectively, we either get the results we want or the reasons we don’t. Reasons are an opportunity to evolve and improve - what can we do differently, how can we adapt and what have we learned? They are not happening for us, they are happening because of us. As humankind we must not wait to understand or have it revealed, we must see reasons not as a mysterious script written in a language we cannot decipher. <b><i>Instead we must change what we can, when we can</i></b>. We must work diligently in the service of justice and goodness and fairness, here and now. Reasons and results must be sourced so that solutions can be found, new choices can be made and better actions can be taken. <b><i>Everything happens for a reason – passive. Reasons are why everything happens – active.</i></b></div>
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Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-70147219739233126732016-11-22T15:52:00.002-07:002016-11-22T15:52:34.445-07:00ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO HAVE A BABY?<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><b>WHAT WILL YOU DO WHEN YOU GET OLD?</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">As a life coach my practice has been visited by many people trying to decide if having a baby was right for them. Many times, these clients know that they don't want to raise a child, and as we explore their reasons for having a baby or adopting, the conversation inevitably reveals familial and societal expectations, beliefs and pressures: <i>that's what you do, I don't want to appear selfish, what will happen when I am older.</i> The not so silent scorn and criticism from others has them questioning, <i>what's wrong with me,</i> and often feeling they need to make-up for it in other ways, <i>I volunteer, I'm super Auntie, I rescue dogs, cats, chickens, even spiders, feed the homeless and I'm dedicated to finding a cure for cancer.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My husband and I do not have children. We made a choice not to have a family. I'm still surprised by the judgments that accompany this choice. I have also spoken to clients, who wanted to have children, but because of a variety of circumstances, were unable. I can't speak as much for that experience, I just know the opinion that often accompanies the outright rejection of this still expected norm.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>My not wanting to be a Mom, isn't an indication of the kind of person I am, it's a choice about how I want to live my life. </b></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">“Why do I need to have reasons? When someone decides to have a baby, people don't go around asking what her reasons are.” ~</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> Emily Giffin</span></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I don't need to defend or justify my choice. I'm not required to provide a litany of examples showing my lack of selfishness or my love of children. I'm not required to explain why I would've been an incredible parent or to explain the results of my gynecological exams. I haven't and won't ask people who are deciding to have kids, to defend their ability and readiness to do so; to show me the stability of their relationships, their financial records or to demonstrate self-awareness and emotional intelligence. To disprove to me that they're not having a kid to fix their marriage or to fit in, or to finally feel unconditional love or to avoid appearing selfish. I would never, yet somehow my moral, ethical and religious beliefs, not to mention the state of my reproductive health, is often up for debate.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><b>WHY DO YOU WANT KIDS?</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Parenting isn't a decision to be made:</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span><i style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">just because, why not, you will never really be ready, that’s what you do.</i><b style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><i> The choice to become a parent requires the same level of unselfish, kid loving, relationship analysis that choosing not to have them requires. </i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> Rarely does someone say,</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> <i>Are you sure you want to have a baby</i></span><i style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">, what makes you think you can handle that, aren’t you worried that you need to x,y,z?</i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The people that heavily weigh this life choice, whether they decide to have a baby or not, are willing to put the welfare and well-being of their future child ahead of shoulds and expectations. The kind of people that examine their values, their life vision, and their readiness, and ability to raise a child. They recognize that parenting isn't about what you get, fitting in, or a safety net for when you are older, but rather the ability to provide the very best environment and to be an example. They understand the commitment that is required to raise a self-aware and well-adjusted person. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">A</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">nyone who makes a decision and commits to taking the actions that promote the welfare of themselves and others, deserves respect, kids or no kids.</span></span></i></div>
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<span style="background-color: #3d85c6;"><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #0b5394; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Anyone who self-examines and reflects on what the results of a choice may be and then decides whether they can handle that choice, deserves respect.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #3d85c6;"><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #0b5394; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Anyone who knows what is right for them and has the courage to live true to that, deserves respect. </span></i></span></div>
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<b style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><i style="background-color: white;">Let's respect each other's choices and celebrate our right to make them.</i></b></div>
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Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-16768458030640869562016-09-20T06:00:00.000-06:002016-09-20T06:00:26.410-06:00What You Need To Know Right Now About Finding Your Purpose<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJdgSdAWRSSLN8YB8u0PlEmjXq6TVVf9dQZSZcrb4W5UA2NcsYn9nXQkJ1B10jLpr_fw00_a5UOFkIC8ejQ5ZauZQ5xFNxCJrUAoxxNAiBxqtU4XIvFWeMWAnzirHnlInnLv1dJjuQYyw/s1600/Live+On+Purpose.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJdgSdAWRSSLN8YB8u0PlEmjXq6TVVf9dQZSZcrb4W5UA2NcsYn9nXQkJ1B10jLpr_fw00_a5UOFkIC8ejQ5ZauZQ5xFNxCJrUAoxxNAiBxqtU4XIvFWeMWAnzirHnlInnLv1dJjuQYyw/s200/Live+On+Purpose.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><b><i><span style="font-family: georgia, times new roman, serif;">Y</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">our Purpose isn't a thing.</span></i></b></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> It isn't a career or a hobby or a project. It isn't a path laid out for you or a gift you receive. It isn't a treasure you're meant to hunt down and claim. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Your Purpose is to live intentionally, by design. It's being purposeful in word and deed. It is to be <i>On Purpose.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's the commitment to live in the present, taking responsibility for what you think, how you you make choices and how you respond to the circumstances in your life. It is a deliberate and conscious choice to learn and grow. Your Purpose is living from your values and creating a life of value.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i>Stop looking for it and start choosing it.</i></b> </span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">10 TIPS FROM PEOPLE WHO HAVE <i>FOUND</i> THEIR PURPOSE:</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">1. They accept where they are and what is happening.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">2. They embody what they value and therefore feel
purposeful in their actions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">3. They stop complaining and start doing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">4. They decide what they will think.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">5. They have a vision that is magnetizing and draws them
forward.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">6. They practice self-compassion.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">7. They build tenacity and resilience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">8. They choose the feelings they want and they promote them through deliberate thoughts and actions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">9. They surround themselves with people who
mentor, inspire and challenge them. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">10. They know that life is always changing and that purpose is not
a destination or a thing but a state of mind. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><span style="color: #0b5394;"><b>Your
purpose in to be present with your life and as Robert Byrne said, “the purpose
of life, is a life of purpose.” You define that each and every second by who
you are being, not what you are doing. Gain awareness and continue to grow into a better,
more capable, more realized individual – On Purpose. </b></span><span style="color: blue; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></span></span></div>
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Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-85209598698806725032016-03-15T06:00:00.000-06:002016-03-15T06:00:21.420-06:00HOW TO STOP MAKING THINGS HARDER THAN THEY HAVE TO BE<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimNMgIqk6xA-Rb3iYFhCJsZAuiVp5eIAqqAsgtD_nMb-jR1ASN83j_qe7f0D8kbcBESfQ-uCpWQCr4P0Ei-JlFq1vfYuCBPoKqpt1yy-t0690h-HoNblQOnmuXokrAfCKn_bE55Y3aL0Q/s1600/Fotolia_85828716_XS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimNMgIqk6xA-Rb3iYFhCJsZAuiVp5eIAqqAsgtD_nMb-jR1ASN83j_qe7f0D8kbcBESfQ-uCpWQCr4P0Ei-JlFq1vfYuCBPoKqpt1yy-t0690h-HoNblQOnmuXokrAfCKn_bE55Y3aL0Q/s200/Fotolia_85828716_XS.jpg" width="185" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Do you want to do it the easy way or the hard way? Can I take door number three?! The questions should be, <i>does this choice honour my life? Does this choice create the feelings I desire and support my values or does this choice allow me avoid feelings, stay safe and make reactionary decisions?</i> Surprisingly, taking the easy way out and making things harder than they have to be, come from the same intention - to avoid uncomfortable feelings: fear, pain, boredom and fatigue. Both door one and door two allow us to forget the long-term gains that will come from handling the immediate moment. When we focus with the end in mind, the destination in the forefront and the purpose planned, <span style="color: #b45f06;"><b>we will avoid both the easy and the hard and instead only see the necessary. </b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><b>STOP TAKING THE EASY WAY OUT:</b> Do
you ever just sweep crumbs under the rug or under the cupboards? Do you ever
sort of brush your teeth or wash your face before bed? Do you ever just…? We
all take the easy way out sometimes, the road travelled a lot and the path of
least resistance, or cleanliness or healthiness, as the case may be. Been there
and done that. The consequences of an occasional easy-way-out will probably not
amount to catastrophe, but a life time of shortcuts is a recipe for
disappointment, messiness and pain. Short-term relief now, will always lead to
long-term discomfort – always. Because what you do not deal with, does not
disappear; crumbs pile up my friends and tooth decay sets in, and once it has
grown, it is a lot harder to deal with. Your future life is happening now, and
the “I’ll do it later, when I feel like it, once I’m ready," has lasting, negative consequences. The small actions and commitments avoided daily, are the
sum total of your life. <b>What is the
message?</b><i> I’ll live my life later? I’ll value myself later? I’ll remember that
my relationships are sacred, later? </i>That will not create a life of ease,
but dis-ease, and dissatisfaction. <i><o:p></o:p></i></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlYhS2NT3s8X98RoxTHlTaATgkpDLcPmAH8zIyO-JAxPX_IuEN0H-kHnNVFosA18PyneoMjXIFbRON4prX0j2Qz2mdcRpwfM_2clNovqVO94TNKI65Tqsbo1LYhFAJLssKoI29MvAaPyc/s1600/Clear+the+Hurdles.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlYhS2NT3s8X98RoxTHlTaATgkpDLcPmAH8zIyO-JAxPX_IuEN0H-kHnNVFosA18PyneoMjXIFbRON4prX0j2Qz2mdcRpwfM_2clNovqVO94TNKI65Tqsbo1LYhFAJLssKoI29MvAaPyc/s200/Clear+the+Hurdles.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><b style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">STOP MAKING THINGS HARDER THAN
THEY HAVE TO BE.</b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> I have seen this play out in my client’s experiences many
times. There is a goal, a project and an outcome that they want and they are excited
about and before the words have barely left their mouths, they put a
bunch of hurdles in the way. Hurdles that look and sound like: procrastination, perfection,
right timing, more support, the best option, more free time or money. In a matter of
minutes, the path between them, and this thing they want is littered with a hurdle
every step of the way. Sometimes, we have to persevere and overcome and jump the hurdles, but most often we just need to stop putting the hurdles there
in the first place! </span><i><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">The the goal will not be not less fulfilling or important and we
ourselves are not less amazing or worthy, if we do not jump over and knock down three </span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">thousand</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> hurdles
on the way to the goal.</span></b></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> Worthwhile and amazing is not always a stupendous feat of overcoming. Worthwhile can be the decision to allow your fears to fuel you, not block you, to allow
the vulnerability to move your forward, not trip you up. It is taking actions that are neither easy or hard but strategic, conscious and thoughtful. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> There is nothing “easy” about that, because the internal
work, the self-belief, the exposure to risk is just as true and the discomfort
just as real. Is that not a big enough hurdle? Do you need to make it any harder?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><b>HOW:</b></span> Both of these ideas require staying in the moment and handling what is right in front of you.
Whether it is immediately dealing with a challenge or issue, or whether it is not
allowing yourself to create additional or imaginary hurdles. <span style="color: #b45f06;">You do what you can, when you
can, here and now.</span> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-21512865277216663682016-02-24T06:00:00.000-07:002016-02-24T06:00:13.409-07:0016 things to STOP doing in '16<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The next two things to <i>stop doing </i>are related to how we look at and use time. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Time
is an interesting concept; a measurable unit, a continuum and our perception of
it can vary depending on the day, and what we are engaged in. The more we have to
do, the faster it goes, and the more we slow down, the more it slows. </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">We live in this tick-tock space and in a constant dichotomy; <i>stay
in the moment, in order to make the most of your future. </i>Many people are in a
tug-of-war between living in the past and planning for the future, while the time
of your life is happening now.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXEzjVDN6ZDdyzEjMdF2hgsVpDJgzBvEzEt8i7cu3AN4jLxKrE2Yujaio2dNHgYYxvxIxjHYAYjFB2G1loQm7Y6_FdoJVfR7FfaPiid1ji5DrFiz0TNdiGOM7kCcb8Gh4qAxsUMmPeJGs/s1600/If+Not+Now.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXEzjVDN6ZDdyzEjMdF2hgsVpDJgzBvEzEt8i7cu3AN4jLxKrE2Yujaio2dNHgYYxvxIxjHYAYjFB2G1loQm7Y6_FdoJVfR7FfaPiid1ji5DrFiz0TNdiGOM7kCcb8Gh4qAxsUMmPeJGs/s200/If+Not+Now.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"><b>Stop thinking you have unlimited time.</b> Really, take a minute right now and ponder this. What does that mean to you? What are you </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 17.12px;">waiting</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;"> for? If you are waiting for
the right time, free time, quiet time- you are wasting time. Meanwhile the
small, consistent steps and the mastery of the seconds and minutes that add up to
your days and years and life are clicking by. This does not have to be a catalyst for quitting your job to sail the world. Ahoy, if that
is your thing, but time wizardry comes down to knowing what you value, and
ensuring that you spend some of your time, each and every day, in commitment to those very
things. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><b>THERE'S NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT</b></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjppKQpwP-hdSihJbj9SgjidVnHvsgFijaWIZB6gblhg1jSLhCMtnVpRcls3FKahlDmmTc5btXe8o20ivwTH8vNMduunDp4bi5f4p1axjVEUpvxSWwHkJrsa9mVNJuOpieIMjKnVbxfj2Q/s1600/flying+time.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjppKQpwP-hdSihJbj9SgjidVnHvsgFijaWIZB6gblhg1jSLhCMtnVpRcls3FKahlDmmTc5btXe8o20ivwTH8vNMduunDp4bi5f4p1axjVEUpvxSWwHkJrsa9mVNJuOpieIMjKnVbxfj2Q/s200/flying+time.jpg" width="160" /></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><b>Stop thinking everything is a race, </b>unless of course the movie
has ended and the oil drum of pop has been emptied, then by all means, race like your
life depends on it! But the day in, day out race to nowhere is robbing you of joy and power in the moment. People seem to be in a hurry to get somewhere; some imaginary
or even actual destination. A place where things are better or different or easier. Present time is treated like a block or a hurdle to get over on our way to this land of Narnia. Your future is happening now, designed and plotted by the the </span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">choices</span><span style="line-height: 107%;"> and actions you take today. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: large;"><b>How:</b></span> To become a time wizard, master of the minute, present moment manipulator, start choosing activities that are high value activities, more
than you choose low value activities. If there is a <i>should or have to or it
has always been done that way,</i> attached to your use of time – re-evaluate. </span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">Understand</span><span style="line-height: 107%;"> what you want to create in the </span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">future, </span></span><span style="font-family: georgia, 'times new roman', serif; line-height: 17.12px;">what you want to feel and experience, and</span><span style="font-family: georgia, 'times new roman', serif; line-height: 107%;"> use that to guide choices, actions and </span><span style="font-family: georgia, 'times new roman', serif; line-height: 17.12px;">engagement</span><span style="font-family: georgia, 'times new roman', serif; line-height: 107%;"> here and now. Think of time
as your art. If I was to look at how you spend time, what would I know about
you? Could I see how you feel about yourself? Who you love? Could I see your
purpose and your life, in your art? Could I see what </span><span style="font-family: georgia, 'times new roman', serif; line-height: 17.12px;">you</span><span style="font-family: georgia, 'times new roman', serif; line-height: 107%;"> want to </span><span style="font-family: georgia, 'times new roman', serif; line-height: 17.12px;">experience</span><span style="font-family: georgia, 'times new roman', serif; line-height: 107%;"> more of in the future? If you are willing to be revolutionary, you
will begin to create the space to live your life, in the present, instead of thinking of time
as a thing to overcome or conquer on the way to a better time.</span></div>
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Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-38259112684862081982016-02-03T06:00:00.000-07:002016-02-03T06:00:01.117-07:0016 Things to STOP Doing in '16<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje2BydnjpJ3dyDQF5bChsbkYDQBhW0FvEAnS9jxGKSa73v6bAVb9vyj24yvCG8HnXyUPDTqi-bwRgwL2_kNDWyVaixd86kEZHwh7LOJ72AjFMlK13a9TZAa4fhGrtlrL1MG2jYXhvjTHc/s1600/Stop+Doing+What+Doesn%2527t+Work.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje2BydnjpJ3dyDQF5bChsbkYDQBhW0FvEAnS9jxGKSa73v6bAVb9vyj24yvCG8HnXyUPDTqi-bwRgwL2_kNDWyVaixd86kEZHwh7LOJ72AjFMlK13a9TZAa4fhGrtlrL1MG2jYXhvjTHc/s320/Stop+Doing+What+Doesn%2527t+Work.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">At the beginning of the year focus often goes to what we want to improve in our lives. We make a list of all the things, activities and goals we want to add, do and achieve, but what we eliminate, say no to and get rid of is often the best place to start. This is essential for promoting mental space, time and energy; clearing a path to identify and pursue what is most important. </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">So for the next little while, I want
to draw attention to sixteen things that you can stop doing in 2016. Sixteen patterns of thought; habitual behaviors, that when obliterated, will allow you to direct focus on
what you can do, here and now. </span><br />
<span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><b>1. I CAN'T COMPLAIN</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">Now don’t get me wrong, a good venting or complaining session can be a healthy way to let off steam and diffuse emotional residue, but if your communication regularly sounds more like a three year old wanting another cookie, you may have slipped into chronic complaining. Complaining keeps us focused on the problem. It is a direct instruction to the brain: notice all the disarray and disappointment. Notice what is wrong, but then say, </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;"><i>okay, so now what? </i>This </span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">encourages</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;"> options to materialize and action to be taken. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: left;"><i><b>"Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals." Randy Pausch</b></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><b>HOW: </b></span>Decide you want attention for being an ass-kicking, superhero (tights optional) problem solver, a get up and go when things are down, rebel with a cause. Let that energy fuel your words and actions.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">2. MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Stop </span><span style="line-height: 17.12px;">focusing</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #444444;"> on your mistakes and failures</span><span style="color: #b45f06;">, </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">really...just stop. Easier said than done and all that aside, it is
simply counterproductive and old. Revisiting a past mistake can be helpful when you learn something and move on. So remembering that your weakness for men who are all charm, but little substance,
could exponentially decrease your chances of long nights crying on your BFF’s shoulder, while bemoaning, </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">why me and where have all the good ones gone? </i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">But replaying mistakes over and over like a bad sitcom, leaves you with reduced self-esteem and takes
you out of the practice of learning from living. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><i>We make mistakes, we epically
fail and time marches on and if we coulda, shoulda, woulda, we miss the meaning
and the mastery that is possible from the mistake. </i></b></span><span style="font-family: georgia, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><b>HOW: </b></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">When you hear yourself regretting,
wondering or looking back, ask yourself: What is the best message and meaning to take from the experience? How can I use this information to live more fully? Do it over and over until the pile of craopploa becomes
the fertilizer for better choices today.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">What could change for you if you stopped these first two patterns? What could you gain? What would you be able to grow in your life? I would love to hear what you are going to stop doing in favor of more joy, success and peace in your life.</span></span></div>
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Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-58277632477109184132015-12-07T06:00:00.000-07:002015-12-06T11:54:35.261-07:00Christmas "Presence"<br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana";"><strong><span style="font-size: 130%;">MYTH:YOU HAVE TO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS IN THE SAME WAY OR CELEBRATE IT AT ALL.</span></strong></span></div>
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<span style="color: #000099; font-family: "verdana";"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span style="color: #000099; font-family: "verdana";"><strong>“Create your own method. Don't depend slavishly on mine. </strong></span><br />
<span style="color: #000099; font-family: "verdana";"><strong>Make up something that will work for you! But keep breaking traditions, I beg you.” </strong></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana";"><span style="color: #000099;"><strong>- Konstantin Stanislavisky</strong></span> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana";">The myth that Christmas has to be done, celebrated or claimed in any particular shape or form creates enormous stress and disappointment at this time of year. The season is difficult for many people and peace at home, let alone on Earth can seem like a bit of a stretch. While you are busy shopping for presents, true presence is missing. The holidays are often described as the worst time of the year. Many of my coaching clients, family and friends struggle to redefine their experience of Christmas and to honor what is right for them. Financial strain, deceased loved ones, family dramas, high expectations, as well as huge demands on time and energy overwhelm many. I have noticed that the run-up to Christmas is often fraught with shoulds, stress and disappointment, with many people unable to stop the speeding train. Statistically speaking, Christmas has the highest rate of suicides, domestic violence and divorce. The ideal which is projected and then the pressure around creating it, can be a heavy, sometimes impossible burden to bear. It is not too late to reclaim this time of year. <em>Whether Christmas is a religious celebration or family holiday or a time for reflection or not at all, it can be your choice and a present you gift yourself by reevaluating what it means to you. </em></span></div>
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<strong style="color: #993300; font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: 130%;">BREAK WITH TRADITION?</span></strong></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana";">Christmas is often difficult because of the vast demands placed on a few days to resurrect the joy and lightheartedness of youth; a time for some when worries were few and happiness was overflowing. Many people will painstakingly attempt to recreate the feelings and memories of days gone by through the use of traditions: baking, decorating, gifts and activities. What made the season special at seven is impossible and unnecessary to capture at forty seven. Never mind that now you have three kids, work fifty hours a week, live six hours from your family and have a mortgage! When I ask people why they are doing all that they are doing, the responses are generally, “<em>my family has always done it that way, it would not be the same without it and I have to or my family will kill me.”</em> I encourage my clients to view the Christmas season in a new way. Never has the word(s) should or have to been more abused then during holiday seasons. What if you reclaimed this time in whatever way feels right to you? Traditions can be valuable and serve to connect one generation with another and many are worth keeping, however it is not the tradition that connects, it is the feeling that is evoked; love, appreciation and joy. You can induce this connection all year in a myriad of ways. It is important to ask yourself what is right for you and your family now? How would you like to spend your time and money at Christmas and does it match your values? This time of year can bring about a recommitment to the life you want to live, the kind of relationships you want to have and a refocusing on the values by which you steer your life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana";"><span style="color: #993300; font-size: 130%;"><strong>CHALLENGE THE MYTH</strong></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU0ZeH4PqEYVl4vcOQlqTpaJwXBom4oncrCa2VpBbst704OYR-xS9idjaAUcNu1xAWUKGFs6NLhuGfeHM9nyOl3LEaQfPZhuVjrJAZ70ijC-nEiB7qSzMvs-Lp2h3YAVE5IFF4vDLHfLs/s1600/peace+candle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU0ZeH4PqEYVl4vcOQlqTpaJwXBom4oncrCa2VpBbst704OYR-xS9idjaAUcNu1xAWUKGFs6NLhuGfeHM9nyOl3LEaQfPZhuVjrJAZ70ijC-nEiB7qSzMvs-Lp2h3YAVE5IFF4vDLHfLs/s200/peace+candle.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana";">As a society we often condone or buy into self destructive behaviors; defending them with mass consensus, never looking into the origins or asking questions for ourselves. So here it is: Christmas has become a packaged, blended ideology based on a mixture of tradition, religion, commercialism and expectation, not one of which is completely pure or right in its model. There is not one absolute way to honor this time, however anything that creates more stress, pushes gluttony, claims hierarchy or disconnects you from being truly present to your life and the world around you is </span><strong style="font-family: verdana;">no longer a celebration of anything, but a degradation of the what is possible when you first respect yourself and then others.</strong><span style="font-family: "verdana";"> This is the goal all year round and if you create or maintain only one tradition – maybe the best one is to be true yourself and others in the spirit of peace.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana";"><span style="color: #000099;"><strong>My wish for you is internal peace and a true presence to your life – now and always.</strong></span> <span style="color: #000099;"><strong>-<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"> Shawna</span></strong></span></span></div>
Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-37899698855648211982015-10-30T06:00:00.000-06:002017-05-17T11:25:30.359-06:00Does Everything Happen for a Reason?<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
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<span style="line-height: 107%;">We have all heard it and I am sure we have all uttered this well-meaning
comment, <i>everything happens for a reason.</i>
After a loss, a divorce, an illness or a missed opportunity, this gets tossed
around like confetti at a wedding. I agree with the literal interpretation of
this comment; there are reasons. What I do not agree with, is the idea
that there is some mysterious, divine plan; a behind the scenes mechanization
conspiring to make events just so. Reasons we are meant to be unaware of, creating events that are used for the purpose of cattle prodding us to make a change or to take up
a cause or to encourage us to go left instead of right. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;">Sometimes it is said to explain the unexplainable, when the
reasons are so difficult to grasp or the outcome so painful that we must, as
humans do, try to find and create meaning where there is none. Lose a child<i>. Everything happens for a reason</i>. Yes,
but no matter what – the reason is not good enough. Someone is killed by a
drunk driver. <i>Everything happens for a
reason</i>. Yes, an irresponsible person made a terrible choice. A family’s
home is lost in a flood. <i>Everything
happens for a reason</i>. Oh, but the neighbour’s house was saved. <i>Everything happens for a reason</i>?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #b45f06; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">AN END TO THE MEANS</span></b></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;">I simply cannot accept that there is any reason that
justifies the suffering, cruelty, poverty and injustice that many people are
facing. Not - you will be stronger, closer to god, find a new career path, meet
your partner, move to a new home or run a marathon –NOTHING. I truly hope the reason a child gets cancer or
someone gets killed by a drunk driver or that a family loses their home in a
flood, is not so that they or others can come up with a cure, champion a cause
or start a charity. <b><i>The reason should not be a means to an end, but sometimes it can be the
end to the means. </i></b>The reason something happens is <i>not so you will fight the fight or take up a
cause.</i> That is the result! The result of the human need to create meaning,
to share what we know and to forge ahead. We get a result and we make a choice
on how to respond and react based on our values, our needs and what we want in
the future. Sometimes the result is change and growth, changing
rules, helping each other and sometimes it is not. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><b>THE NUGGET</b></span><b><i><span style="color: #0b5394;">:</span> </i></b>It can be comforting to
believe that events are part of an unfolding plan and that there are no
mistakes or accidents. It can cause us to see others’ misfortunes, poverty and
illness as a larger part of an unknown plan. It can lead us to believe that
goodness begets goodness and evil will get its dues. It can lull us into a
sense of, <i>all is the way it should be or
needs to be.</i> REALLY?! Well, I believe individually and collectively, we either<b><i> </i></b>get
the results we want or the reasons we don’t. Reasons are an opportunity to evolve
and improve - what can we do differently, how can we adapt and what do we now
know? <b><i>They are not happening for us, they are happening sometimes, because
of us.</i></b> As humankind we must not wait to understand or have it revealed, we must
see reasons not as a mysterious script written in a language we cannot decipher.
Instead we must change what and when we can. We must work diligently in the service
of justice and goodness and fairness, here and now. Reasons and results must be
sourced so that solutions can be found, new choices can be made and better
actions can be taken<b><i>. Everything happens for a reason – passive. Reasons are why everything
happens – active.<o:p></o:p></i></b></span></div>
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Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-18643096980445054182015-10-06T06:00:00.000-06:002015-10-06T06:00:03.762-06:00Self-Helpful or Self-Harmful?<div class="MsoNormal">
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So, I hope you enjoyed the first couple of myths? As I mentioned, there is a nugget of truth, an applicable and often solid take-away within each of these myths. Here are two more, that when chipped away and cleaned up, speak to the power of choice and action. Let's see what other nuggets of truth we can find!</div>
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<b><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">MYTH # 3: "FOLLOW YOUR BLISS”</span></b><br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Joseph Campbell, author of, <u>The
Power of Myth</u> has been misinterpreted when it comes to
this now famous saying. When studying Sanskrit ideology he came upon the concept of bliss and went on to describe
it this way. <i>“<span lang="EN">If you follow your
bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while,
waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are
living. Wherever you are—if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that
refreshment, that life within you, all the time.”</span></i><span lang="EN"> </span>Unfortunately
the watered down version, now seen on bumper stickers, recited at grade twelve
commencements and thrown out as advice whenever we are dissatisfied, is now simply, <i>“follow your bliss.”</i> This seems
a rather hedonistic view and when asked by students if he meant to perpetuate
this kind of pleasure seeking philosophy, Campbell replied,<i> “I should have said follow
your blisters!” </i><o:p></o:p><br />
<i><br /></i></div>
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<b><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: large;">THE NUGGET:</span></b> <b>Campbell was not
referring to a job or a specific path as a way to bliss, but rather a
way of being in each and every moment.</b> A way of observing and engaging with
your life that purports that bliss is always here and a “state” accessible to
you at all times. It does not mean the absence of strife, hard work and
commitment. Oh, and it does not mean that if you follow your bliss, you are
guaranteed success and wealth and acclaim. It has nothing to do with the external, but rather the internal dedication to sourcing your own personal bliss no matter
what the circumstances. <b><i>Bliss is a choice, not an external target.</i></b><br />
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<b><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">MYTH #4: WE EACH HAVE A PURPOSE</span></b><br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Not really. This is a narcissistic
and I admit, compelling idea. One that makes us feel special and like all our
challenges, growths and so on should have a deeper meaning. What we could say is that we can each create and live with purpose. This idea that we are each born to be, do, have or experience something is the cause of much anguish and pain
and frustration when my clients cannot find their purpose. And let’s be honest, some days I would like
my purpose to be singing to sold out stadiums and flying on my private jet,
while of course, championing humanitarian causes. If purposes are doled out like
a goodie bag at the end of a birthday party, then some days I am sure we each feel like
our bag is a little short of a few toys and perks!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: large;">THE NUGGET:</span></b> Your purpose is not a
thing. It is not a gift bestowed on a few. It is not a job, a skill, a label, a
title or a treasure to find. You were not <i>destined </i>to experience a tragedy you
turn to triumph or a loss you turn to gain. You may experience these things and you can be purposeful and intentional in your response, because <i><b>purpose is a way of being.</b></i> It is the
choice to live intentionally and by design. It is the commitment to foster your own personal skills and strengths. Purpose is cultivated and sourced each day in reply to challenges, in awareness of individual desires and aptitudes and in the moment by moment acknowledgment of life today. This
is what I want my clients to know, that wherever you are and whatever you are
doing - be <i>On Purpose.</i> <b>Purpose is a verb, not a noun.</b><o:p></o:p><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>What have you personally learned about bliss and purpose? Do you relate to this idea that they are more about a way of being, rather than just simply what you are doing? I would love to hear what you think.</b><br />
<br />
<b>Next blog we will explore two more myths: <i>everything happens for a reason and we create our own reality. </i></b></div>
Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-6317647681476827442015-09-29T05:00:00.000-06:002015-09-29T11:38:52.394-06:00Famous Self-Help Lies<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
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In this next series of blogs I
want to explore self-development myths. The watered down and often completely
wrong messages that are perpetuated by self-help authors, coaches, speakers and
so on. At some point it is safe to say, I have studied, experimented with and
challenged most of what is out there. Even more importantly, I have worked with
clients, who when they were determined to make changes, have jumped on one of
these bandwagons, only to feel like they have failed and cannot be helped when
the desired outcome was not achieved. Like all good myths, there is usually a
nugget of truth in it, but it has been covered, re-packaged, reduced and
re-engineered for the mass markets. I want to get to the nugget and explore what
can really make a difference. Here we go:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">MYTH # 1: POSITIVE THINKING AND AFFIRMATIONS</span></b></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Eeks, clients who work with me, know that this
is not a philosophy I endorse. At first
glance the merits of this approach are hard to argue, but affirmations and
silver lining thinking can actually be counter-productive. In my experience all
emotions, including the negative ones are messages that need to be heeded, not
glossed over. Positive thinking them away is akin to putting a bandage over a
festering wound without cleaning it out first. Many times clients, through no
fault of their own, will interpret us reframing a situation as positive
thinking and will say to me “I was trying to be positive all week, but it
didn’t work.” I take full responsibility as their life coach for not demonstrating
and explaining the important difference between positive thinking and
reframing. Here is an example: Maybe you just found out you have a big bill
to pay, unexpected. Disempowered thinking would be: “<i>This always happens to me,
I never make enough money and I am such a failure.”</i> Positive thinking: <i>“Money
always shows up just when I need it. God or The Universe will provide.”</i> Reframing: <i>“As much as I do not like it, I have handled
this type of thing before and I know I can create a solution.” </i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: large;">THE NUGGET:</span></b> Optimism and reframing
are helpful. This means that you have a certain resilience and belief that eventually
things will work out (maybe not always the way you hoped!) and that <b><i>you</i></b> can make a shift or change and can
take actions that will make a difference (optimism). You choose to look at what
you can learn, what the message is, what support is available and the actions
you can take in order to make a more empowered choice (reframing). <i> <span style="color: #0b5394;">You may or may not feel positive or talk
positively, but that does not mean your self-talk is negative or self-flagellating.
It a language of learning, choice and action. </span></i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i><b>Positive thinking is often passive, while reframing is active. </b></i></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">MYTH # 2 : LAW OF ATTRACTION</span></b></div>
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Listen, I too wanted to be let in
on <i>The Secret</i> – who didn’t? Picture
what you want, feel what it will feel like to have it or experience it, and
viola, like an Amazon drone, your package arrives. I have had so many clients
come to see me frustrated because they have been vision boarding, chanting and writing
out their goals and their dreams, with little, make that, no results. They
believed they must not have wanted it or felt it bad enough. The idea that what
we think about and put our emotions behind will manifest our desires, has
definitely been one of those watered down philosophies, that I have literally seen
make people sell the farm and then lose it all in the
service of a vision board and the Law of Attraction.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: large;">THE NUGGET:</span></b> Having a dream and a vision
- good. Understanding the feelings you
want the dream to give you and then experiencing more of that day-to-day – also
good. Having specific goals and achievables – super. Having little to no
action - not good. Lacking consistency - also a problem. Having a belief system
or personal foundation that causes you to sabotage and feel stuck- a real
challenge. Not knowing your personal values and strengths and capabilities and
working with those – detrimental.</div>
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A vision board is like a good GPS
system it can help you to see the destination and to pick a path, but you still
have to prep the car, fuel it up, drive the car, pay attention to the road,
handle weather changes and take detours as needed. It is really simple, what we
command the brain to pay attention to it will. <i style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">So, if you create a vision and
use it as guidance, that can be helpful but as the driver of the car you are
responsible for getting you there. <b>Vision boarding and waiting for the magic
genie – passive. Goal setting based on values and self-awareness and then
taking consistent action – active</b></span><b>. </b></i><o:p></o:p></div>
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I would love to hear if you agree or disagree and if there are any other self-help myths you hear all the time, that you want me to explore. Please share in the comments below. </div>
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Next week, I will be tackling two more: Follow Your Bliss and We All Have A Purpose. See you then.</div>
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Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-82725216339748110112015-09-15T06:00:00.000-06:002015-09-15T06:00:06.074-06:00WHAT GREAT MANAGERS WANT YOU TO KNOW<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhruOmaD7Qg0Xyrztqq-OIG4_16Udxd5HW_tMFqsmYwIVPCld-yjV786VlbeJ6XUPFZU1B_5_CcrFAAYc1MVd8I_Ez99YdppoJqpZT0KFG8ZAdh2HNCOAISeU5ZSfl49QClX6H1hzj5kec/s1600/Job+Satisfation+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhruOmaD7Qg0Xyrztqq-OIG4_16Udxd5HW_tMFqsmYwIVPCld-yjV786VlbeJ6XUPFZU1B_5_CcrFAAYc1MVd8I_Ez99YdppoJqpZT0KFG8ZAdh2HNCOAISeU5ZSfl49QClX6H1hzj5kec/s200/Job+Satisfation+2.jpg" width="192" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Okay so I get it, sometimes people would rather volunteer for a long, painful dental procedure than spend time at work. Whenever I coach managers or employees, I find that the same issues arise over and over again and quite often the job dissatisfaction ball is firmly in the employee’s court. That is not to say that there are not bad managers, unhealthy work environments and impossible situations, but the first step is to identify how the individual may be sabotaging or blocking their success, advancement and enjoyment at work. This ensures that if they need to move on from their current job, they will have gained important insight into the habits and mindset that will help increase contentment, confidence and success in a new workplace.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
<b><i>The workplace can be a Petrie dish of unmet needs,
insecurities and limitations and also of strengths, talents and skills. If you
are not happy at work, the most empowering place to look and therefore the
first place to look, is at yourself.</i></b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>HERE IS WHAT I HAVE FOUND:</b></span><br />
<b><span style="color: #b45f06; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #b45f06; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">DRAGGING PERSONAL ISSUES TO THE
OFFICE IS A SURE FIRE WAY TO SKEW EVERYTHING.</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Are you unhappy in your life in
general? Frustrated? Going through a divorce or breakup? Wish you had gone
back to school or started a bakery? How much of that is affecting your
motivation and engagement? Short of allowing you to open up a bakery in the staff
kitchen, honestly and truly, how could your manager or co-workers possibly fix
that? There should be considerations and support for life’s difficulties, as there will sometimes be rough patches but be sure that you avoid painting your entire work experiences with what goes on away from the office. Take a break, a leave if necessary, get support such as coaching or counselling and take appropriate steps to deal with what you need to deal with. <b><i>Evaluate
how you are feeling about yourself and your life and make the background
changes necessary in order to show up engaged and ready to go.</i></b> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">WORKING ON YOURSELF WILL GREATLY
IMPROVE YOUR WORK</span></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What the heck does that mean, you
ask? Well, here it is – up your self-awareness, take full responsibility for your
feelings and reactions and figure out what you do well and not so well. I had a
client who was promoted to project lead. We will call her Sara. Sara had the
experience, the knowledge and she had asked for the opportunity, but once in
the position she struggled and could not get her footing. She felt criticised
by her team and unsupported by her manager. Through coaching we discovered that
Sara was feeling incompetent and frustrated in her new position, and therefore
saw and “filtered” her co-worker’s responses and encouragements as criticism, and
her manager’s “letting her fly” as lack of support. Her insecurities were not
allowing her to see what was really happening, communicate her fears or ask for
what would be most helpful. She needed to stop pointing fingers long enough to
understand what she was thinking and feeling. <i><b>We needed to figure out what the
real problem was! </b></i>What the office cooler do I mean by this? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
Before the
promotion, Sara felt supported, encouraged and valued and suddenly in her new
role, all these things disappeared! <i>She discovered it was a problem for her</i>
because she felt insecure working on certain projects, so when she was expected
to take the lead, she immediately listed all the ways her boss did not support her. The same manager who just promoted
her! She was seeing and experiencing things through a lens of fear and
insecurity. We can get triggered from past experiences. For example: when your
opinion is not used are you being triggered for all the times in junior high when you felt left out? Or are you afraid of failing? Are trying so
hard to do it <i>right,</i> that you refuse to ask for support?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You must start with YOU. Many times clients tell me that they are frustrated in their job: bored,
underappreciated or overworked, but as we dig in and work on their beliefs,
fears, communication skills and personal happiness, their satisfaction
increases, without anything having to change at work. <b><i>We find that how they are interpreting,
filtering and therefore communicating and reacting has more to do with them,
than their manager or co-workers</i></b>. Start working on you and see what can
happen. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><b><i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"Criticism of others is futile and if you indulge in it often you should be warned that it can be fatal to your career. " ~ Dale Carnegie</span></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">DRAMA, GOSSIP AND HEARSAY ARE NEVER EFFECTIVE</span></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>And</i> only result in wasted energy. I know that there is a
perceived connection and a charge that comes from complaining and judging. It is also a lot easier and more
energetically addictive than being the person who communicates clearly, looks
at the big picture, does not assume and creates solutions. We do not often see the main characters in movies using healthy communication and active listening – that rarely
gets the laughs or creates dramatic tension! But, leave that to the script writers and stand-up comedians. <b><i>If you want increased job satisfaction, learn to rise above gossip and hearsay. Do not assume, make
up stories or perpetuate misunderstandings</i></b>. Learn to clarify, simplify,
ask and request. Up your communication skills and stay out of the fray.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #b45f06; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You manager wants you to have job
satisfaction. G</span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">reat managers</i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> are
advocates for employee success and engagement. Why? They are human beings and
they know you are too! They are managers
because they have been employees and they know what it is like - they have been
where you are. They want you to succeed,
not only for your sake, but for the entire operation. </span><b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>If you are bringing your
strengths, feeling valued and rocking your job then everyone benefits and
ultimately the company’s mission and vision will be realized</i></b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><b><i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; text-align: start;">"If you wish to achieve worthwhile things in your personal and career life, you must become a worthwhile person in your own self-development." ~ Brian Tracy</span></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You do not have to like everyone, agree all the time or enjoy every moment, of every day at your job. As a matter of fact, if you believe that this is the way it should be, you will most likely be disappointed. But what if we cut each other a little slack and gave each other the benefit of the doubt? It is not up to anyone else to make us happy, feel fulfilled and to like or endorse everything we do all the time and this most assuredly includes our fellow colleagues. </span></div>
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<b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></b></div>
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<b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>We must take ownership of our job satisfaction and ensure that we have worked out the kinks in our own thinking, approach and communication. </i></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="color: #b45f06;">If you have done this and you would still rather get a root canal, then you can move on from a place of self-awareness, not
victimhood and frustration. You will take with you a bag of tools sure to support you in finding greater job satisfaction, wherever you may land. </span></i></b></span></div>
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Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-783160345480974822015-07-23T06:00:00.000-06:002015-07-23T06:00:08.932-06:00What Rocky, A Cancer Survivor and a Kindergarten Teacher All Have in Common<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8zm7iD_KUgL1UgIb08NquBp00HIffOxJg6kHjkfuAd2pTJxihHbBPPN4LZzg_tQbtPuAhwKcUMzuUaVrA7YoS2ULcFxKXxV1bRVpnBqkn9bMCs8BsNeOgCarhf9YzM3CaiDlxMeRsE-o/s1600/Boxers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8zm7iD_KUgL1UgIb08NquBp00HIffOxJg6kHjkfuAd2pTJxihHbBPPN4LZzg_tQbtPuAhwKcUMzuUaVrA7YoS2ULcFxKXxV1bRVpnBqkn9bMCs8BsNeOgCarhf9YzM3CaiDlxMeRsE-o/s320/Boxers.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><b><i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">“One is doing well if age improves, even slightly, one's capacity
to hold on to that vital truism: </span></i></b></span><b><i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">"This too shall pass.” </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">~ Alain de Botton</span></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have come to see one
particular value, strength and character trait as fundamental to a good life; a life
of success, happiness, health and thriving relationships. One tool that is
slightly above all others, which has the power to transform and tackle any
challenge, shift any course and make us the heroines of our lives. It is
what we are praising in others when we say things like, “I do not know how you
did that, you made it look easy, you handled that with such grace, it was
amazing how you turned that around, your quick action saved the day and so on." <i>What is this magic tool? <b>Resilience. </b></i><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Resilience is the ability to respond to pressures and tragedies, effectively and quickly
and flexibly. It is very unlikely that any one of us will get through our
entire lives without being asked to face, deal with or handle something we simply
do not want to be saddled with. And it is in these moments that our resilience will be put to the test. Can we shift a perspective, sort through options and
stay open and trusting? Can we still, in the midst of it all, find some
gratitude, empathy and compassion for ourselves and others? <b><i>Our aptitude for
this can allow us to create something meaningful out of the meaningless; designing a stored, effective narrative and template for dealing with hardships.</i></b> As a committed, daily practice it greatly increases our chances of
following through on goals, stopping the bad habits and making changes when
necessary. <span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN"><span style="color: #b45f06; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>TEACH AN OLD BRAIN NEW TRICKS</b></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnxRkIyb_CxEvLf0jN1aOjzrUyJNKljwy48t2sJAcFzFy3ZvE0nPI1T3pmGT12W3xIDb3CN_LA4aL2ExMI1gYEN1OCQBKwnVYctWjTddYLnOKw6KnzIIhggDbDXYhCMjM1c8ZHumHiAdk/s1600/Resilience.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnxRkIyb_CxEvLf0jN1aOjzrUyJNKljwy48t2sJAcFzFy3ZvE0nPI1T3pmGT12W3xIDb3CN_LA4aL2ExMI1gYEN1OCQBKwnVYctWjTddYLnOKw6KnzIIhggDbDXYhCMjM1c8ZHumHiAdk/s200/Resilience.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 15.6pt;">Hard-wired in the brain due to evolution and the drive to survive, individual resilience is varied and is dependent on our learned responses. Our unique brain patterns have been forged by our responses and choices over time and is our "conditioning."</span><span style="line-height: 15.6pt;"> How our
brains have been “programmed” or conditioned to handle setbacks, pain and challenges, determines whether we get back up like Rocky or </span><span style="line-height: 20.7999992370605px;">whether</span><span style="line-height: 15.6pt;"> we stay down for the count. What is
exciting and important here, is that even if </span><span style="line-height: 20.7999992370605px;">resilience</span><span style="line-height: 15.6pt;"> is not a well-honed </span><span style="line-height: 20.7999992370605px;">response</span><span style="line-height: 15.6pt;">, you </span><span style="line-height: 20.7999992370605px;">can</span><span style="line-height: 15.6pt;"> </span><span style="line-height: 20.7999992370605px;">teach</span><span style="line-height: 15.6pt;"> the brain a new way. By increasing empathy, gratitude and self-compassion,
you can rewire the brain and essentially “teach an old dog” (or brain, in this
case), new tricks! You can teach yourself how to be more resilient; by practicing and improving how you handle the smaller stressor of everyday life, you can then store up a plan (new programming) for the
day when a larger storm rolls in.<b><i> </i></b></span><span style="line-height: 15.6pt;"><b><i>Resilience means that you will move away from
surviving and flight-or-fight and will be able to actively apply techniques,
processes and an approach that will minimize the collateral damage to others, your
health and you long-term peace and happiness.</i></b></span><span style="line-height: 15.6pt;"><b><i> </i></b>It also means you become finely
tuned to recognizing when you are off balance in the everyday and you have the skills
to course correct with compassion.</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><i style="background-color: white;">“I
am not afraid of storms, for I am learning to sail my ship.” ~ Louisa May
Alcott</i></b></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>HOW TO BE ROCKY:</b></span></div>
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<b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Program the Brain:</b> You know that the brain is malleable and that you can learn new patterns
by choosing to engage in practices, thoughts and habits that endorse
resilience. You condition the brain by deciding how you want to respond, what
you want to learn and what you want to be able to say about the experience. <span style="color: #0b5394;"><i>You
author the story in your favor, writing your own personal guidebook for future
use.</i></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Presence</b>:
You stay in the moment and remain calm and at ease in a crisis. You avoid blaming
and becoming a victim. <i><span style="color: #0b5394;">You do this by lasering in on present moment choices </span></i>and actions
that support an improvement in the current affairs. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Perspective:</b>
You get a clear picture of your reaction: what is happening, what needs to
happen and the various moves to get there. You avoid making things more
dramatic than they are. You are also willing to put the event in perspective against
the larger backdrop of your life and see it as a temporary challenge, setback
or pain.<span style="color: #0b5394; font-style: italic;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Possibility:</b>
You may not see the outcome, reason or learning, <i>yet,</i> but you are open to the possibilities and choose to find self-development
and growth, building new skills and growing wisdom.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Partnership</b>:
You connect with others and reach for and ask for support. You know that you do not
need to have all the answers or be the expert and you trust others to support
you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Perseverance
and Courage:</b> You remember the other times you have been through difficulties and
you “call upon” what worked, learn from what did not and move forward, even and
especially when,<i> you do not feel like. </i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Rocky, a cancer survivor and a kindergarten teacher all call upon these skills in different ways and at different times in order to persevere despite setbacks, persist despite pain, and proceed in pursuit of the moment when the crisis has passed. Developing character, experience and a trusted and trained response that will serve them day-to-day and when faced with the larger blows in life.</span><br />
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<em><span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”</span></b></span></em><span lang="EN-US"><b><i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">~ Albert Einstein</span></i></b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-22950486084451427032015-06-12T06:00:00.000-06:002015-06-12T06:00:06.524-06:00How to Stop Comparing Yourself To Others<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 107%;"><b>What could happen if… <span style="color: #b45f06;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #b45f06; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>You stopped comparing?</b></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJTOsazlfu_vST-ZxtAfTDvd7JkQ1jhv7MhcHLyiRRbtPRbfdBJWg7J0hfbXc2v2pVCLly0WDUDTAlgz-l5bt3j1vZH-HCTNtKVm1qHZnydvD07eQLTePJkB455YDKSlaFuxTlyKpVufI/s1600/apples+to+oranges.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJTOsazlfu_vST-ZxtAfTDvd7JkQ1jhv7MhcHLyiRRbtPRbfdBJWg7J0hfbXc2v2pVCLly0WDUDTAlgz-l5bt3j1vZH-HCTNtKVm1qHZnydvD07eQLTePJkB455YDKSlaFuxTlyKpVufI/s320/apples+to+oranges.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">We all do it and will
probably continue to from time to time – the I wish I had, looked like, was as
good as, smart as, talented as, thin as, fit as, pretty as, fun as and on it
goes. It can be an endless parade of, <i>if
only I had that or was that</i>, well look out, then I would be happier and so
the story goes. <b>There is a fine line between admiration and competition,
appreciation and comparison and knowing the line can be a big ol’ relief and a
big step on the path to personal freedom.</b> What could happen if you stopped crossing the
line?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #b45f06; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">You will focus on you. You will live your
life. </span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #594a42; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Your strengths, talents and skills often go underappreciated and
undervalued <span style="color: #0b5394;"><i><b>as you are coveting that which you wish you were, rather than
developing that which you are.</b></i></span> Because no two people are exactly alike, even
identical twins – you must stop comparing apples to oranges. It is uneven,
unfair and ultimately unnecessary. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #594a42; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #b45f06; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">You will feel more connected to others.</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #594a42; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"> Comparisons will lead to resentments – <i>why not me, why do they get to?
</i>This creates a state of competition and begrudgement and blocks your
willingness to connect and create meaningful relationships.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #594a42; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #b45f06; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">You will live in the present.</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #594a42; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"> You will stop somedaying
your life away; waiting for the moment when you have this or look like that or
have achieved xyz in order to be fulfilled or satisfied. You will make choices
in the present and will no longer waste time wondering, but will get down to
the business of wielding.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>“Comparison
is the death of joy.” ~Mark Twain </b></span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
<i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #594a42; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
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<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #594a42; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><span style="font-size: large;">HOW:</span><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #b45f06; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">APPRECIATE.</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #bf8f00; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;"> </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #594a42; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Learn to give praise and
genuinely recognize the contributions of others. <b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i>See people for what they
offer, rather than what you perceive they are taking from you</i></span>.</b> Another person’s
success, skills, smarts or talents do not rob you of yours or make yours less
valuable.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #b45f06; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;">BE MOVED.</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;"> </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #594a42; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Be inspired and motivated
by a life well lived. Recognize that the very thing you covet in others is a
signal to you that you want to grow or experience more or different or new in
your life. You are not in competition with them, you are in admiration. Use
it.Learn from it. Thank it. Let it lift and guide you, not limit and frustrate
you. <span style="color: #0b5394;"><b><i>Be moved - means just that - be moved to action.</i></b></span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="color: #b45f06;">CELEBRATE YOUR SUCCESS</span>.</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;"> </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #594a42; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Take time to acknowledge
risks you are taking, choices you have made, accomplishments you are proud of and areas where you have grown. Stop waiting to <i>get there</i> or to <i>be perfect</i>
or to be <i>as good as!</i> You must give
yourself credit and celebrate the steps you take each day.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;">GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR
FEELINGS.</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;"> </span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #594a42; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Read the clues of your comparisons.
When you are comparing, you are believing that someone else has the magic formula
to the feelings you most wish you were experiencing. You do not have to wait or
dramatically change every aspect of your life in order to feel joy, or calm or
excited today. Find ways to promote these feelings now. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #b45f06; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;">CREATE A LIFE OF VALUE.</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;"> </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #594a42; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .25pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Understand what is really
important to. What really matters to you? What do you value? Live your life
orientated around these things. <i><b><span style="color: #0b5394;">When you are living your life based on what is
most significant to you, you will not be comparing yourself to others, but
caring about others. You will not be jealous, but developing and growing with
others. </span></b></i>You will not be resentful, you will be relishing in their success and
yours. You will be living your life <i>On Purpose</i>; intentionally creating the
connection, contribution, community and quality that you desire. <b>You will be
living a life of No Comparison!</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-27827172286978524652015-05-21T06:00:00.000-06:002015-05-21T06:00:01.431-06:005 WAYS TO STOP BEING NEEDY<div class="MsoNormal">
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">WHAT COULD HAPPEN IF...</span></b><br />
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<i><span style="color: #b45f06; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>You asked for what you needed?</b></span></i><br />
<span style="color: #b45f06; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span><i><span style="color: #b45f06; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b></b></span></i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Do you secretly believe that, i<i>f
he/she loves me or knows me, then they will know what I like and what I need?</i> Do you hint or imply or leave clues, hoping that the people in your life will
receive these messages like a psychic in a traveling fair? A moment of insight, at just the right moment? Do you think, <i>I would, so they should! O</i>r,<i> I would
never, so of course, why would they?</i> Or do you stop yourself from sharing what
would be most helpful or supportive or valued, for fear of looking needy,
weak or being a burden? Well, if you do any of these, welcome to the human
experience! But, what could happen if you simply asked for what you needed? </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><b>You might get it!</b></span> </span>Resentment will have no place as you will be in charge of and responsible
for your own satisfaction and joy. You will experience more meaningful
relationships and you will stop waiting for others to disappoint you or let you down.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><b>You will build trust.</b></span> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In yourself and others. You will be vulnerable and will learn that the people
who care for you, will do what they can to support you in getting that need
met. And, when it does not go so well, you will learn to trust that you can pick
up the pieces, re-calibrate and nurture yourself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><b><span style="color: #0b5394;">You will teach others to do the
same.</span></b> </span>You will give others permission to speak up and to stop the
guessing game. Grey area, fuzziness and confusion will disappear and all your
connections will thank you for it. You can stop speculating and assuming –
imagine the free time and extra energy!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /><span style="color: #0b5394;"><b>No more sabotaging.</b></span> Mentally, emotionally and/or physically.<b> Unmet needs such as: love, support, affection, recognition, fun are at the root of most relationship issues, poor health habits, sabotaging behaviors, disjointed goals and on and on. </b>Why? Because when you do not know how to ask for, meet and support your needs in a healthy way (listening to yourself, getting support, reaching out for help, committing to choices each day) - you will inevitably try and meet them in a not-so-healthy and less productive way (using guilt, pouting, over-eating, stopping and starting things, etc.) As you get the need met, the bad habits start to fade and your ability to create what is most important becomes aligned with what you value.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1.</span></b> <b style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">EMBRACE THE VULNERABILITY</b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. Take the risk and express and request. For most people it is the feeling of being a bother or looking weak that stops them in their tracks. We
are hardwired to loathe rejection and making a direct request is a sure-fire
way to get shot down. </span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Don’t ask, don’t risk - no worries of rejection.</i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Also
though, no chance of getting what we need or honoring ourselves either.</b><br />
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<b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2. <span style="color: #0b5394;">DROP THE BELIEF THAT YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO ASK!</span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> It is not a demand, expectation or ultimatum. </span><b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is the highest form of respect for yourself and others.</b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> It is a message of value. You are saying, </span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I trust you and care about you enough to let you see me, get to know me and to support me and I want to do the same.</i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Don’t buy into the small part of you that tries to convince you that you are a bother, not worth it or that they can't or won't. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>3</b>.<span style="color: #0b5394; font-weight: bold;">TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.</span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Listen to and give yourself what you need consistently. Need to rest?</span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Do it.</i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Need to meet new people?</span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Get out there.</i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Need to break a habit? </span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Get support</i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. </span><b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is not up to others to take of your needs - they are simply an ally in your meeting them for yourself. </b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Get to know yourself, uncover and source what you need more of - affection, recognition, fun and jack up your life and your choices to start taking care of them. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>4. </b><span style="color: #0b5394; font-weight: bold;">BE CLEAR AND BE SPECIFIC!</span> Saying to your husband, I<i> want you to be more romantic</i>, is as a</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">mbiguous as Paris Hilton saying, <i>that’s cute.</i> There is a wide array of romantic and maybe your version of romantic is another person’s version of cheesy. Life is too short to pretend to be happy, keep your mouth shut and wait around for others to get it. <b>Only you, really know what you need and therefore the onus is on you to articulate, reinforce and express gratitude when it does show up.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>5. <span style="color: #0b5394;">GET NEEDY.</span></b></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> The sooner you learn what your needs are, the sooner you can take care of them and not need them any longer. </span><b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This means that you you will have created an environment, habits, relationships and skills that automatically meet this need.</b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> You will have designed your world in such a way that they are taken care of. What more could you need?!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>So, what could happen if?</i> <i><b><span style="color: #b45f06;">You may find that life is more fulfilling, connected and joyful. You might find that if you are vulnerable, clear and specific you will will stop being needy, and instead, be all and find all that you need.</span></b></i></span></div>
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Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-13113758972232193132015-05-04T06:00:00.000-06:002015-05-04T06:00:02.053-06:00WHEN IS ENOUGH, ENOUGH?<div class="copy-paste-block">
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<b><span style="color: #e69138; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">THERE IS A TIME..</span><span style="color: #b45f06; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">.</span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCNRcTKHMrttBsLTnLZsaI3xfwLmkYSaHd7gsJSHa4NhWMwajXueT23CpIj73CuXpj8-t-5D_QnbxRsLxtIIuhcE-5oSnlLvA6zCPjPrP5uqoG4gSvoEP82I5QJ7-gZKkoueC7kLJ_rz8/s1600/watch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCNRcTKHMrttBsLTnLZsaI3xfwLmkYSaHd7gsJSHa4NhWMwajXueT23CpIj73CuXpj8-t-5D_QnbxRsLxtIIuhcE-5oSnlLvA6zCPjPrP5uqoG4gSvoEP82I5QJ7-gZKkoueC7kLJ_rz8/s1600/watch.jpg" height="133" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 17.1199989318848px;">Sometimes in the search of growth and purpose and understanding we become confused between</span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"> becoming</i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"> and boundaries. We try to </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 17.1199989318848px;">accommodate poor behavior by</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"> recognizing it as a </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 17.1199989318848px;">lesson</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"> for us - we </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 17.1199989318848px;">ask</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"> what we can learn, try to put ourselves in the the other person's shoes. Maybe we </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 17.1199989318848px;">minimize</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"> how we feel, sympathize and empathize to put up with why someone would behave, <i>that way</i>. But there is a time and a place to want what you want and need what you need and say yes or no as you desire. There is a time to redefine the always nice, higher thinking and evolved living. There is a time to take a break from always getting it, learning from it and growing. There is a time when you do not need to reach a new level, obtain some nugget or learn the lesson. There is a time when there does not need to be a reason, a season or a meaning. There is a time when all will not reveal itself or be as it should be. <b>That time is whenever or wherever you feel you are being denied. When you are getting shoved around, moved around or brought down.</b> That time is when you are playing smaller, breathing shallower and feeling hallow. That time is when you have spent the wise, tried the nice, organized the mind and yet you are not being valued or handled with care. When you say to yourself,<span style="color: #0b5394;"> "</span></span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><b>I would never treat you, speak to you and be with you that way. I would apologize, not rationalize. I would empathize, not fictionalize. I would explain the why, not deny</b></span></i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><b>."</b></span> </span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>You
are done.</b> Boundary drawn. Lesson learned – you will be nice to you, holding
yourself in high esteem – this is evolved and you have got it, learned it and grown
it. You have reached your season and found your meaning and you are as you should be. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-8173863585334853942015-03-31T06:00:00.000-06:002015-03-31T06:00:07.162-06:00HOW TO SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS<div style="text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgszhlsFiGEEp2DqQvGwQuZtWbmQ0v6cHhGXhdFWVds48XepBZ_sjJpPagXG6NxCZRhegvEFcz2__GjjRQBATkdznNbDeCvANKHy9dqSIjIwmcdkiiSieaHkZh1_RYk5CzkBqSFdsbl1dI/s1600/Identify+Problem.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgszhlsFiGEEp2DqQvGwQuZtWbmQ0v6cHhGXhdFWVds48XepBZ_sjJpPagXG6NxCZRhegvEFcz2__GjjRQBATkdznNbDeCvANKHy9dqSIjIwmcdkiiSieaHkZh1_RYk5CzkBqSFdsbl1dI/s1600/Identify+Problem.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Many times the problem is not knowing the problem. </span><b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That’s right, we do not know what the real problem is. </b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We are very capable of identifying the symptoms: tired, stressed, overweight, fighting with spouse, but we cannot clearly articulate or even define the true issue: poor boundaries, no structure, needs that aren't being met or outdated beliefs. Great problem solvers are very good at getting to the heart of the matter and understanding exactly what they need to solve and why.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e69138;"><i><b>The good news is that you can learn how to become an expert problem solver! Learn-able skills and subtle shifts in your approach can help you to hone in on the source, to create solutions and make choices that lead to the best outcome.</b></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><b>“If I had an hour to solve a problem I'd spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and 5 minutes thinking about solutions.”</b></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><b> ~ Albert Einstein</b></i></span></div>
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<b>Here are 6 Steps to get you started:</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><b>1. YOU SAY TOMATO AND I SAY <i>TOMATO</i></b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The words you use are hugely influential and will elicit different feelings and therefore different actions. How could I feel healthier and more alive, feels different than, how could I lose one-hundred pounds. One feels hopeful, the other feels daunting. Reword and try on different problem-solving phrases. <b>The better, the more complete and instructional the question, the better, more complete and instructional the answer.</b> Pull out your thesaurus and notice how different words allow your brain to relax and visualize, while other words cause stress or overwhelm. Words change the perception of the problem and therefore increase the possibility of solutions.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><b>2. I ASSUMED SO</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There are always an extensive amount of assumptions attached to every problem: it has always been done that way, so and so will never go for it or he or she doesn't like me. What if the assumption is inaccurate or just plain wrong? Think of every assumption, write them down and then test each one. Are they really valid? Are there other viewpoints? What is the result of hanging onto that assumption? Many times as you drop an assumption, options become obvious and the problem will solve itself.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><b>3. MINIMIZE IT</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You can also get specific and see the nuisances within the larger problem. The nuts and bolts. If each problem is part of a greater problem, then there are often many smaller problems involved. It can provide useful information to deconstruct it and will make it seem more manageable and less overwhelming. <b>Sometimes as you solve the smaller problems, you automatically and often inadvertently, disable the larger challenge as well. </b>A woman who came to see me, wanted to experience less stress and to feel happier in her day-to-day. She was trying to find a broad solution to a broad challenge. Instead I asked her if she could pinpoint what was causing her the most stress each day. What one activity, part of her routine or her environment was contributing the most to her stress? She said, "trying to keep up with our home, while caring for the kids and working part-time." I would say so! When we identified this one piece, she was able to brainstorm and felt capable of finding a solution to this challenge, rather than a solution to sleep deprivation, overwork, teething kids, commuting, making meals, spending time with her husband, and exercising! Trying to solve all of that was stressful itself. We came up with a plan for her to trade services, occasionally pay for, lower standards and so on as a way to handle her housecleaning issues and once implemented, she noticed that at least 75% of her day-to-day stress was reduced, time was freed and options for the other challenges easily presented themselves.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><b>4. MAXIMIZE IT</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">At times a problem can seem so complicated, with so many moving parts and variables. Each piece can seem hefty and impossible and time consuming. You can ask yourself, what is going on behind the problem? What is the larger issue here? Find the big picture. Why does this matter? What is the outcome of solving it? This viewpoint can provide perspective and a variety of options for getting to the ultimate and larger goal. I had a couple come to me for coaching because they wanted help with their marriage, when I asked them what they each thought the problem was, they both began to list a myriad of smaller complaints and annoyances - essentially symptoms. I finally asked them, what is the one thing that if we fixed it today, would solve all those problems? They both responded with, winning the lottery! Granted that is not a solution I could really help them find! But, it pointed to the fact that money problems were weighing heavily on both of their minds. The majority of their stress was around their debt and their subsequent disagreements and differences in money management and essentially debt elimination. This problem was infecting every aspect of their lives and creating a plethora of other issues that were essentially masking this elephant in the room. Once they got support and worked on dealing with the money in their relationship, they felt empowered and connected and the other issues seemed to disappear.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCfCuhPuihNWEbLooMMC-Frklys3wqvBVGUWUeYMeoAR__uhXb9T6grtP2HwsGk5Yo5URvGo2Vjx1X-ENikvqNlPT0PbrdlSRG4pNv9WRN_pPaw38CRoowkn99sPyr9B-m-fc8NUS89EE/s1600/Problem+Puzzle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCfCuhPuihNWEbLooMMC-Frklys3wqvBVGUWUeYMeoAR__uhXb9T6grtP2HwsGk5Yo5URvGo2Vjx1X-ENikvqNlPT0PbrdlSRG4pNv9WRN_pPaw38CRoowkn99sPyr9B-m-fc8NUS89EE/s1600/Problem+Puzzle.jpg" height="196" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><b>5. DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Perspective is essential. Before rushing to solve a problem, always make sure you look at it from different perspectives. <b>Many different perspectives.</b> How would your spouse see it? A friend? A person who has lived 99 years? What will this look like to you in a year from now? Ten years from now? Take a helicopter view and look at it “from above”. What do you see? What is missing? Alternative perspectives offer alternative solutions and will open up a myriad of possibilities.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><b>6. FLIP IT AND REVERSE IT</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you are trying to figure out how to get healthier, identify how to be unhealthier. If you want to feel more love. Ask yourself, how can I block or limit love? If you want to make more money, ask, how can I lose or make less money? <b>The answer lies in opposition and clarity is found in identifying what will not work.</b> Seem obvious? That is the point - finding the obvious, problem will lead to an obvious solution!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>“A problem well put is half solved.” ~ John Dewey</b></span></div>
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<i style="color: #e69138;"><b>Identifying the problem is often much harder than solving it, however if you take the time to evaluate, understand and excavate your problems you will often find the solution much easier to see and apply.</b></i></div>
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<br />Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-87154637339349434812015-02-06T06:00:00.000-07:002015-02-06T06:00:07.038-07:0015 WAYS TO KNOW IF THEY ARE...THE ONE<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc9BBviLmsxiBDnQn7Z0yJH2tiEdaXraSjW2m5gH0DIaPa_pCFwF5B_D9Mdr1i19od3PGB2KxsQWjvGwwuxjmjspqBWGAvxlZSNMAcjIHjuVc0BtSbUzc7Z77hWkQkxCjXDDNYFeW07Ok/s1600/Heart+Maze.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc9BBviLmsxiBDnQn7Z0yJH2tiEdaXraSjW2m5gH0DIaPa_pCFwF5B_D9Mdr1i19od3PGB2KxsQWjvGwwuxjmjspqBWGAvxlZSNMAcjIHjuVc0BtSbUzc7Z77hWkQkxCjXDDNYFeW07Ok/s1600/Heart+Maze.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">I</span> <span style="line-height: 107%;">have
noticed a trend lately in my coaching sessions – love and relationships –
getting the one, is he or she the right one and keeping, growing or improving the one.
I am seeing clients at all different stages, ages and challenges on the love
spectrum and the underlying theme, is <i>how
do I have a real, committed, connected relationship in my life? </i>Sometimes
they are bumped and bruised; divorce, infidelities and rejections have left
them feeling unsure and protective of their hearts. Others are dating and want
to know how to find the “one.” So, I have decided to tackle the relationship
topic and provide information over a series of blogs, so that no matter where
you are in in terms of matters of the heart, you feel ready and able to bring
in, build and blossom the relationships in your life. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i><b>
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;">“</span><span style="color: #0b5394;">I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the
heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those
things already. I want…a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and
wake, knowing my heart is safe. I want to love, and be loved.” ~ Shana Abe</span></span></b><span style="color: #3d85c6;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e69138; font-size: large;">ARE THEY THE
<i>ONE</i>?!...</span></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So maybe you are dating or
have been in a relationship for a bit and you are trying to determine if it is
healthy, worth working on or if you are ready to commit to this person. People often love the
idea of the person, who they sometimes are, who they could be and the loneliness
they fill, they do not really love the person and how they are showing up right
now.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US">When I ask my clients what they are looking for in a partner, they
list a number of qualities, most of them personality traits: funny, smart,
outgoing or they list life values, such as: loyal, hardworking and generous and
of course attributes: tall, athletic and so on. <b>This looks like a decent list, but this is not how you decide, if he or
she is the one.</b><i><span style="color: #b45f06;"><b> <span style="color: #c45911; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;">How
you really decide, is based on how safe you feel to be yourself and how safe
you feel growing and sharing in the relationship.</span> </b></span></i><b><i><span style="color: #b45f06;">You decide because you 100% respect who they are right now and you feel 100% respected in return</span></i>.</b>The other things
on your list are bonus features, upgrades and sometimes deal breakers but what
you need to look for are character values - solid values that promote the two
primary functions of any relationship - pleasure and growth. John Gottman is a Psychologist
who runs the Love Lab and he describes it this way,</span><span lang="EN-US"> "a relationship
should serve dual functions, <i>a “Den of pleasure”—for fun, companionship, sex,
laughter, etc. which you as a human need…and a “Laboratory for growth”—the
ultimate place of challenge for your soul to be nurtured to grow—where you
inspire one another’s character development."</i></span><span lang="EN-US"> A person of solid character will understand
that love is an opportunity to share in this journey with joy and grace and
will also weather the challenges with a curiosity and willingness to grow with
you. You will have an abundance of pleasurable times and a safe, mutually respectful connection that
makes the growing pains worth it. You feel secure to express feelings and what you need. You each take responsibility for your actions and reactions and
are willing to learn just as much about yourself, as you want to learn about your partner. </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #48423f;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i><b>“True love is supposed to make you into a better person-uplift you.”<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></b></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i><b>~ Emily Giffin<o:p></o:p></b></i></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #c55a11;">SO, HOW DO YOU KNOW
IF THEY ARE </span><span style="color: #b45f06;"><i>THE ONE</i>?</span><span style="color: #c55a11;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">1. If you keep arguing about
and dealing with the same issues and there is never a change or action taken to improve.<b> N</b></span><i style="line-height: 107%;"><b>ot the one.</b></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"><i><br /></i></span><span style="line-height: 107%;">2. You feel like a sadder,
more stressed version of yourself, more often than you do not. <b>N</b></span><b><i style="line-height: 107%;">ot the one</i><span style="line-height: 107%;">.</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"><br /></span><span style="line-height: 107%;">3. Either one of you would
have to change a ton in order to be acceptable, happy and feel safe with the
other person. <b><i>N</i></b></span><b><i><span style="line-height: 107%;">ot the one</span><span style="line-height: 107%;">.</span></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"><br /></span><span style="line-height: 107%;">4. You start to question why
there is so much wrong with you and why you are so broken. </span><b><i style="line-height: 107%;">Not the one</i><span style="line-height: 107%;">.</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"><br /></span><span style="line-height: 107%;">5. You are physically and/or</span><span style="line-height: 107%;"> emotionally abused. </span><i style="line-height: 107%;"><b>Definitely not the
one</b>.</i></span></div>
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<i style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">6. They make you entirely
responsible for their happiness and vice versa. <b>N</b></span><i style="line-height: 107%;"><b>ot the one.</b></i><br /><span style="line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"><i><br /></i></span><span style="line-height: 107%;">7. You see patterns of
behavior repeated and no matter how much they hurt you and they promise to change
– they do not. <b>N</b></span><b><i style="line-height: 107%;">ot the one</i><span style="line-height: 107%;">.</span></b><br /><span style="line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"><br /></span><span style="line-height: 107%;">8. When you are </span><span style="line-height: 17.1199989318848px;">consistently</span><span style="line-height: 107%;"> making excuses
for them, rather than bragging about them. <b>N</b></span><i style="line-height: 107%;"><b>ot
the one.</b></i><br /><span style="line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"><i><br /></i></span><span style="line-height: 107%;">9. You should not, could not
or would not bring them home to Grandma. <b>N</b></span><i style="line-height: 107%;"><b>ot
the one.</b></i><br /><span style="line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"><i><br /></i></span><span style="line-height: 107%;">10.You would not want your
niece, best friend or brother to date a person like this person. <b><i>N</i></b></span><i style="line-height: 107%;"><b>ot the one.</b></i><br /><span style="line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"><i><br /></i></span><span style="line-height: 107%;">11.You always feel confused,
unclear and question everything about the relationship.<b> N</b></span><i style="line-height: 107%;"><b>ot the one.</b></i><br /><span style="line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"><i><br /></i></span><span style="line-height: 107%;">12.You are losing friends and
important relationships in your life. <b><i>N</i></b></span><i><b><span style="line-height: 107%;">ot
the one</span><span style="line-height: 107%;">.</span></b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span><span style="line-height: 107%;">13.You are always worried
about what they are doing when you are not together. </span><i style="line-height: 107%;"><b>Not the one</b>.</i><br /><span style="line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"><i><br /></i></span><span style="line-height: 107%;">14.One or both of you is acting
out, walking out or taking it out on the other person when there are challenging
conversations or difficult feelings. </span><i style="line-height: 107%;"><b>Not the one.</b></i><br /><span style="line-height: 17.1199989318848px;"><i><br /></i></span><span style="line-height: 107%;">15.Your life vision does not
jive and important values will never match (religion, kids or no kids, Star Wars is better than Star Trek etc.) <b><i>Not the one.</i></b></span><br /><span style="line-height: 107%; text-align: justify;"><br /></span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 107%; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So in a nutshell - <b><span style="color: #0b5394;">If you
do not LOVE WHO <i>YOU</i> ARE with this person, they are probably <u>not the one</u> for you.</span></b></span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 107%; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></b></span></span>
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Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-22961977884892669472014-10-15T06:00:00.000-06:002014-10-15T06:00:09.803-06:005 THINGS THAT CONFIDENT PEOPLE DO<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijrWV-NdOnWfVJE2RXGC4WrrOyGOp07tX7VIWJKDIVyPUTg4z-_qzF7KWdnNKS1fxjiK6qF3WJwwdvAXfu2civxAScGpu79Pi2L_ZAach-SNEtROyq9wjjfNIHKHXR4yZlpehDW4MbaUM/s1600/Confidence.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijrWV-NdOnWfVJE2RXGC4WrrOyGOp07tX7VIWJKDIVyPUTg4z-_qzF7KWdnNKS1fxjiK6qF3WJwwdvAXfu2civxAScGpu79Pi2L_ZAach-SNEtROyq9wjjfNIHKHXR4yZlpehDW4MbaUM/s1600/Confidence.jpg" height="179" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><em><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>“Once we believe in
ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any
experience that reveals the human spirit” ~E.E Cummings</strong></span></em></span></div>
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<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">1. THEY CHALLENGE THE LIES</span></span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-outline-level: 3; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">They tell the truth. They stand for it, seek it and live it.
Voices of denial <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and</i></b> voices of persecution are given equal weight and are both
dealt with swiftly and compassionately. They do not allow themselves to live in
fear; they square up and take reality as it is and as it comes. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They also do not allow themselves
to become a victim of their own negative self-talk and self-limiting beliefs.
They square up to that as well – challenge it, replace it and move on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong><span style="color: #b45f06;">Your Turn</span></strong>: See your life and yourself as you are, right now. Own
and grow from it. You no longer get to beat yourself up, you change negative self-talk
and you take full responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and actions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><strong><em><span style="color: #0b5394;">“It’s not what you
say out of your mouth that determines your life, it’s what you whisper to yourself
that has the most power!” ~Robert T. Kiosaki</span></em></strong> </span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">2. THEY STOP TRYING TO
FIX THEMSELVES</span></span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>What?</i> This coming from a life coach! They embrace who they are.
They learn about their strengths, what energizes them, charges them up and what gets
them going and <i>they stop trying to fix weaknesses.</i> <b>If your life is aggressively
organized around what makes you feel good, your weaknesses become a footnote. </b><em>One
person’s weakness is another man’s strength and all that</em>– outsource, give away,
give up and move on.</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong><span style="color: #b45f06;">Your Turn</span></strong>: Identify when you feel your best, are in the flow and
you lose track of time. Do more of this and less of the things that drain your
energy. Own and live your personality – introvert, extrovert, left or right
brained – <b>self-acceptance is one of the keys to self-confidence.</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="font-size: large;">3. THEY DO NOT NEED TO
PLEASE<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-outline-level: 3; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Tuned into their values and what they need, they do not desire
to win favor or approval from others by disregarding their own needs. They offer
themselves generously and love to connect, but never at the expense of self-respect
and self-care.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong><span style="color: #b45f06;">Your Turn</span></strong>: </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Know what you want, what you value and what you need: rest, honesty,
fun, a phone call before they pop over? Graciously express this and live by it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><o:p></o:p></span><br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #b45f06;">4. THEY OWN THEIR
MISTAKES AND THEY ROLL WITH THEIR FAILURES</span></span></span></b></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">They know that mistakes are inevitable and see them as a worthwhile
cost to taking risks and trying new things. They own up, apologize, make
amends, learn from it and move on. Failure becomes a breeding ground for growth
and fostering human compassion, not a notch on the, “look how much I suck”,
belt. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><strong>Your Turn</strong></span>: </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Take responsibility, drop the victim-hood and do not blame. What
did you do? What could you have done? What did you learn? Failure is not a reason to
stop; it is a message to re-evaluate and approach in a new way. <b>Celebrate the
failures as an indication of a life challenged and well-lived.</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>“Action is a great
restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the
cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps
different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better
than no action at all.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale </strong></span><a href="http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/n/norman_vincent_peale.html" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong> </strong></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;">5. THEY AVOID THE,<i> I LOOK
GOOD,</i> THEREFORE I FEEL CONFIDENT TRAP</span><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">They do not base their confidence on anything external: the malleable
and shift-able – appearance, weight, money, relationships. Their confidence is
based on excellent self-care, self-acceptance and recognition of strengths and
the building of skills. They respect their bodies and care for it because of what it allows them to do and feel and they
enjoy the expression of it. <b>Size, age, bank account balance<em> do not
erode or foster self-confidence.</em></b> Instead their self-confidence compels them to
make the choices, take the actions that affirm their value and worth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong><span style="color: #b45f06;">Your Turn</span></strong>: </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Take care of yourself, eat well, exercise and honor your body.
Take time each day to express gratitude for what your body does for you, how it functions. Enjoy moving it, dressing it, loving with it, creating with it. Hold
your head up and own it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #454545; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">True self-confidence, the kind you can’t buy in a store, receive from someone else, lose enough weight to find or make enough money to attain,
comes from accepting yourself, taking risks and living your life in a way that honors
who you really want to be, not who you think you should be or wish you were. Confidence
comes from taking risks and seeing that you can survive and better yet – THRIVE. Self-confidence is an active state and is the acceptance of yourself and your place in the world based on <i><b>who you are are</b></i>, not just what you do. It is the practice of honoring, growing and supporting yourself as you journey through life. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; line-height: 18.47px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #0b5394; line-height: 18.47px;">How can you become more confident today?</span></span></div>
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Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-16022254190088422352014-09-29T05:00:00.000-06:002014-09-29T05:00:07.923-06:00INCREASE YOUR WEALTH IN 5 STEPS<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #b45f06; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">EMOTIONAL WEALTH</span></b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMuo7xqAK-sq_ToivVnbVhrnvjuJrpUY_GLsN-lhXWQtmtUDPrbj7WpnY1XY0aocNN4pq9x72f4yaS2ch2ttVbFCdWxfWuKWYcrc9f-BFGptSFn4Hr7r1YR1dZtmsWLJxle3X_iqjk5_0/s1600/emotion+cloud.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMuo7xqAK-sq_ToivVnbVhrnvjuJrpUY_GLsN-lhXWQtmtUDPrbj7WpnY1XY0aocNN4pq9x72f4yaS2ch2ttVbFCdWxfWuKWYcrc9f-BFGptSFn4Hr7r1YR1dZtmsWLJxle3X_iqjk5_0/s1600/emotion+cloud.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a><em><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="color: maroon;"><b><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span></span></em><br />
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<em><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="color: maroon;"><b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><em><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: maroon;"><b><span style="color: #0b5394;">“As human beings we all want to be happy and free from misery... we have learned that the key to happiness is inner peace. The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion, while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility are the sources of peace and happiness.”</span></b></span> </span></em></span></b></span></span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="color: maroon;"><b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><em><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></em></span></b></span></span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="color: maroon;"><b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><em><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">~ <b>Dalai Lama</b></span></em></span></b></span></span></em></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 18.3999996185303px;">Are you living in poverty? The poverty I am addressing is not the lack of basic needs: food, water, shelter and clothing. It is the emotional emptiness that results from neglecting, forfeiting or ignoring aspects of yourself.</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 18.3999996185303px;"> Emotional poverty is a deficiency of knowledge when it comes to dealing with the emotional ups and downs of life. It shows up as low self-esteem, self-trust and resilience. It stems from never having learned how to understand and use your emotional and mental skills in a healthy way in response to life’s challenges. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 18.3999996185303px;">It can also be the result of self-limiting beliefs, such as, <i>I am not good enough, deserving enough and/or it never works out for me.</i> These beliefs cause you to hold back, hold on or hole up when you need to move forward, let go and reach out. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 18.3999996185303px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 18.3999996185303px;">Many people have large amounts of money and property and still live completely impoverished lives. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.3999996185303px;">Sometimes people hold an </span><span style="line-height: 18.3999996185303px;">emotional</span><span style="line-height: 18.3999996185303px;"> ransom over their own heads, denying the very support or belief in themselves that they need until the ransom is paid. The ransom is the “change” or the “thing” that they need to do in order to be worthy of love, enjoyment and peace <i>right now</i>. They need to lose weight, be better, achieve, and/or win favor and then they can finally live the “rich” lives they desire. What if you could go from emotional rags to riches? </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><strong><em><span style="color: maroon;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">“We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us</span></span> —how we can take it, what we do with it —and that is what really counts in the end.” ~ Joseph Fort Newton</em></strong></span></span> </div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><strong><span style="font-size: large;">BLOCKS TO EMOTIONAL WEALTH</span><o:p></o:p></strong></span></span></span><br />
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0b5394; line-height: 115%;"><b>1. BELIEVING YOUR FEELINGS </b></span><span style="line-height: 115%;">– You are not your feelings, you are
the one observing your feelings. Your feelings are an indication of the quality
of your thoughts and your consistent actions. If you feel bad, it does not mean
you are bad. It means you need to shift a thought and make a different choice in
order to produce the feelings you want to experience. To increase emotional wealth you must </span><span style="line-height: 18.3999996185303px;">proactively</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> choose and create your feelings.</span></span></span><br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><b>2. BLAMING OTHER PEOPLE FOR YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES </b></span>– Other people do
not control your joy or your peace of mind. They certainly can impact it, but
it is within each of us to create boundaries, forgive and take responsibility
for the quality of own lives. <span style="color: #333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><b>3. SHUTTING DOWN</b></span><span style="color: #333333;">- </span>This is the emotional equivalent of denial and
it is not the same as acceptance. Acceptance is knowing what is and making
choices from that place. Denial is ignoring and shoving down, out of fear and frustration
and allows you to avoid making conscious choices. Emotional abundance requires
us to face what is, get support and take steps to deal with the current
reality.<span style="color: #333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0b5394; line-height: 115%;"><b>4. COMPLAINING</b></span><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 115%;">- </span><span style="line-height: 115%;">This only perpetuates the problems, reinforces
the fear and frustration and never, ever solves anything. I have tried
it and it has always resulted in… well, nothing helpful. Short bursts of conscious complaining can blow off steam and help to clearly identify the areas where change is needed, but chronic </span><span style="line-height: 18.3999996185303px;">complaining is a sure fire way to bankrupt yourself of the emotions of peace and joy. </span></span></span><br />
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0b5394; line-height: 115%;"><b>5. LOSING PERSPECTIVE</b></span><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 115%;">- </span><span style="line-height: 115%;">This is thinking about things as all-or-nothing and losing the big picture. It is dramatizing, forgetting the good, and the tying of one’s identity to a problem. You are more than one event, problem and
challenge and in order to be emotionally wealthy you need remind yourself to
maintain perspective. This encourages solutions, less stress and greater </span><span style="line-height: 18.3999996185303px;">resilience and gratitude for what is good in your life.</span></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Emotional poverty can be overcome. Be honest about your emotional
awareness. If you find yourself struggling to respond to life with balance and
clarity begin to recognize where you are emotionally, ask for support and surround
yourself and model individuals who respond to life with the ease of Buddha, the
humor of Ellen DeGeneres and the courage of a women wearing a bikini after a
long winter. </span></span><br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong><span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="font-size: large;">FROM RAGS TO RICHES</span><o:p></o:p></span></strong></span></span><br />
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Emotional abundance is not maintaining a “stiff upper lip”. It
does not mean powering through the tough times. It means feeling what you are feeling,
but shifting the thoughts and reactions to minimize the stress and maximize
your ability to hang onto yourself throughout the experience. One of the biggest
indicators of your increasing wealth in terms of your emotional bank account is
the abandonment of the victim mentality. When you are the victim you generally
avoid responding to the circumstances as they come your way, you instead get
washed away with time, waiting for someone or something to rescue you or shift
your fortune. </span><span style="line-height: 18.3999996185303px;">Emotional</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> wealth is seeing the </span><i style="line-height: 115%;">value</i><span style="line-height: 115%;"> in all your </span><span style="line-height: 18.3999996185303px;">emotions; </span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> as tools for growth and change and indications of what to do </span><span style="line-height: 18.3999996185303px;">more</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> or less of. Pay attention to your </span><span style="line-height: 18.3999996185303px;">emotional</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span><span style="line-height: 18.3999996185303px;">landscape</span><span style="line-height: 115%;">, take </span><span style="line-height: 18.3999996185303px;">responsibility</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> for how you feel and watch your abundance of joy and peace grow. </span></span></span></div>
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<!-- Blogger automated replacement: "https://images-blogger-opensocial.googleusercontent.com/gadgets/proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F4.bp.blogspot.com%2F-NgZSRtfnRdo%2FVCGbbd-vs1I%2FAAAAAAAAAls%2Fn3TXETuNCWw%2Fs1600%2Femotion%252Bcloud.jpg&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*" with "https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMuo7xqAK-sq_ToivVnbVhrnvjuJrpUY_GLsN-lhXWQtmtUDPrbj7WpnY1XY0aocNN4pq9x72f4yaS2ch2ttVbFCdWxfWuKWYcrc9f-BFGptSFn4Hr7r1YR1dZtmsWLJxle3X_iqjk5_0/s1600/emotion+cloud.jpg" -->Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921705967690995088.post-62627426069942927392014-09-18T05:00:00.000-06:002014-09-18T05:00:10.008-06:00HOW I AM GOING TO STOP HATING WINTER<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZLg5Nn28pyg4_Lnhf3fiD3EcLPDhzxJIcWVU8zbb3kCTG1C7dCq26ZxRbUkUIH4nl25J3-rMM8lX8ItcQsO2I-vx1uUbjvmg4Ge1z42GxtHgvNsjdiZWF16qXRDabN0BM60hGUFLmlVE/s1600/winter+scene.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZLg5Nn28pyg4_Lnhf3fiD3EcLPDhzxJIcWVU8zbb3kCTG1C7dCq26ZxRbUkUIH4nl25J3-rMM8lX8ItcQsO2I-vx1uUbjvmg4Ge1z42GxtHgvNsjdiZWF16qXRDabN0BM60hGUFLmlVE/s1600/winter+scene.png" height="212" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 106%;">So, today as I am writing this, I look outside my window and
I see what I wish I could say was an anomaly or a hallucination - </span><i style="line-height: 106%;">snow</i><span style="line-height: 106%;">, on September 8</span><span style="font-size: small;"><sup style="line-height: 106%;">th</sup><span style="line-height: 106%;">! But
living here in Edmonton, Alberta, as many of you know, means that quick
changing weather and long, drawn out winters are always a possibility, if not
the norm. Thankfully, we do avoid many of the major weather calamities that others face -
hurricanes, earthquakes and tsunamis, winter brings with it a myriad of challenges:</span><span style="line-height: 106%;"> </span><span style="line-height: 106%;">Seasonal </span><span style="line-height: 16.95px;">Affective</span><span style="line-height: 106%;"> Disorder, winter doldrums, weight gain, lethargy, difficult
commutes and Christmas.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 106%;"><span style="color: #b45f06; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>FROM SURVIVE TO THRIVE</strong></span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 106%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, it is with this perspective and a desire to not just
survive, but thrive during this season, that I want to offer this blog, How can we <i>weather the winter?</i> We can spend as many as five to six months
in winter-like conditions, even when the calendar tries to convince us that it
is still Autumn. Learning how to maintain or even improve physical, mental and emotional
well-being during this time is a worthwhile endeavor. </span></span><span style="line-height: 106%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know that picking and sticking to activities that support
your well-being, a positive feeling and move you in the direction you want to
go, is fundamental to living a life you enjoy and are proud of. This is very
true in regards to creating your winter plan. I believe it is important to
begin creating and implementing this plan, well before you are knee deep in
Netflix, 8 hours a day of House of Cards and have secretly convinced yourself that Smarties
count as a source of antioxidants (experts did say, eating bright colors is beneficial?!) I am joining you in this winter plan, as winter has never been a pleasant time for me. I have gotten slightly better at it, but without a plan, I can easily be a grumbling, irritated mess during the winter months. I am committed to changing that and making this my best winter yet. So, let's do it...</span></span></div>
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</span><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em><strong>"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." ~ Lewis Carol</strong></em></span><br />
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<span style="color: #b45f06; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 106%;"><strong>LIVE LIKE A DANE</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 106%;">In order to weather this winter like a </span><span style="line-height: 16.95px;">snow-woman</span><span style="line-height: 106%;"> and
a bona fide </span><span style="line-height: 16.95px;">arctic</span><span style="line-height: 106%;"> explorer, I am going to borrow an idea from the Danes, called Hygge, (pronounced</span><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="color: black;"> like</span> 'hooga'</span><span style="line-height: 106%;">). Never heard of it? Well, unless you have been to Denmark or count a Dane as a
friend, then this concept might be new to you. </span></span><span style="line-height: 106%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hygge is tough to translate into English, but roughly means
coziness, comfort and camaraderie. Hygge is a Danish cultural concept and
practice that is present all year round, however it is on fine display during the winter months, when it is needed most. I have long been
fascinated by the reports that the Danish people’s Gross National Happiness is one of the highest in the world, </span></span><span style="line-height: 106%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">even
through the cold, dark months of winter. A climate and length of time, similar
to what we experience here, in this part of Canada. </span></span></span><span style="line-height: 106%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Now, the grass is always
greener aside, I think there is something to be learned here. I love, love
being Canadian and am proud to live here and even a little haughty about our resilience
to get up and go, even in -32 C and a raging white-out! I would just like to do
it with a less grin and bear it, and with a little more ease. So read on...</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><strong><em>"Shut the door, not that it lets in the cold, but that it lets out the coziness."</em></strong></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><strong><em> ~ Mark Twain</em></strong></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><strong>LET THERE BE LIGHT</strong></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><span style="color: blue;"> </span></span><span style="color: #979797; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"> </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hygge
is a mindfulness and presence and staying in the moment; tuning into what makes each moment feel alive and special. Examples of Hygge include: sitting by a fireplace engaged in conversation with
a friend, listening to your favorite music while wrapped in a soft blanket or
enjoying a meal with your loved ones. It is celebrating the everyday small
rituals and habits that evoke comfort, peace and connection. When I was researching
this idea, I noticed a number of references to candles and fireplaces and light, used to create heat and a mood. <strong><em>Hygge is the calm to chaos, the warmth to the dark, the peace to the stress and the connection to the isolation.</em></strong> It is an honest, moment to moment
choice to create sanctuary, despite what forces and storms rage around us.<strong><span style="color: #0b5394;"><em> A
little light in the darkness and a
feeling of warmth – coincidence? </em></span>I think not.</strong> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em><strong><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">“I will love the light for it shows me the </span></strong></em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em><strong><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.” ~ Og Mandino</span></strong></em></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><strong>HOW TO HYGGE</strong></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><strong>Be deliberate.</strong></span> <span style="color: black;">Create a list of what actives bring you comfort and warmth. Start the list now and create a plan. What makes you feel cozy, warm and connected?</span> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"></span></span><br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><strong>Have something to look forward to.</strong> </span><span style="color: black;">Each day - A small ritual: bubble bath, lighting a candle, reading a book by the fireplace. Each week: a class, a get together, a night out. Each month: a celebration, a concert, a party. </span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"></span></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><strong>Involve others.</strong></span> <span style="color: black;">I</span></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><span style="color: black;">solation is a fundamental challenge with winter as we shut in and hibernate. Solitude can also be Hygge, but disappearing until spring is not!<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong><span style="color: #0b5394;">Emulate others</span>.</strong> <span style="color: black;">Know a winter lover? Someone who likes and does well in winter? Join them in their activities, adopt their attitude and try and see it through their eyes. Granted, I think they are a little crazy, but a least they are a happy, crazy! <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><strong>Talk less about the awfulness of winter.</strong></span><span style="color: black;"> Think more about the gratitude for heat (think pioneers), food (again, pioneers) and phones (I’m just saying…). We are abundantly prepared to thrive in winter. </span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"></span></span><br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong><span style="color: #0b5394;">Take care of your health</span>.</strong><span style="color: black;"> Talk to your Naturopath or Doctor about Vitamin D, boost your immunity and well-being with your diet, supplements, meditation and exercise. Put it to practice now!</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><strong>Re-evaluate Christmas</strong></span><span style="color: black;">. <em><strong>No really</strong> re-evaluate</em> what you want that time of the year to feel like, how you want it to be, what is really important to you. Can you minimize, slow-down, cancel? What do you need to do to eliminate all the expectations around this notoriously stressful time of the year? Let’s stop the madness! </span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Honor the resilience. </strong><span style="color: black;">There is something to be said for the resilience and perseverance it takes to drag ourselves out of bed in the dark, dark morning, face two feet of snow on our car, (oh ya, wearing only a sweater and jeans), drive on slippery streets, shovel our walk, and on and on - but somehow we do it and life goes on and like it or not, we are a resilient bunch of buggers. Claim it.</span></span></span></span></div>
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Shawna Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11513603295461543722noreply@blogger.com0