Against One's Better Judgement...

Today’s Word is Judgement

"Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgement and you can see forever." - Nancy Lopez

I chose this word for a simple reason, I want you to be nicer to yourself; kinder and more compassionate about your choices, challenges and perceived shortcomings. I want you to shine the light of hope and encouragement you offer to your friends and children onto yourself. I want you to see who you are, held up to your own life experiences and growth; not compared to anyone else’s journey.

Judgement as a word and on its sole merits is not harsh and critical and it has its place. One of its meanings is, “the cognitive process of reaching a decision or drawing conclusions.” If the conclusions drawn are sprinkled with understanding, learning and new methods, that would be helpful, but when you think of judgement in your own life it has often been a wrath greater than any other could possibly inflict on you. It is devoid of compassion and kindness and used as a mode of self-flagellation; no longer an opinion, it is delivered repeatedly as criticism. The voice of judgement and reason reigns, and it says, much like the character Adhemar to William in a Knight’s Tale “You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting.” (A Knight’s Tale, _Dir. Brian Helgeland, 2001). If you are judging yourself harshly, repetitively and often, it stems from a feeling of insecurity and insufficiency. Clients come to me and list areas of their greatest regret and disappointment, judging themselves as though they are beyond redemption or hope. “Please, won’t you jump on my judgement bandwagon?” What I tell them is that compassion and understanding paves the way for improvements and it goes against your better judgement to critique yourself too harshly. When you do this you freeze all movement. Why would you ever take a risk again, try something new, speak your mind? Why would you ever believe you are worth it if you condemn yourself before you have even begun?

Sometimes we really do drop the ball, make mistakes and hurt others. Life can be hard and we get thrown circumstances, choices and situations that leave us reeling and that we do not handle well. Sometimes we let ourselves or others down. I get it – but if you are limiting yourself, unhappy or repeating the same patterns, is it possible you have frozen the moment, caught in the frame of judgement? Can you forgive yourself? Can you forgive others? Remember, forgiveness is not about condoning behavior, yours or another’s. Oprah so perfectly said, “Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.” What I know is that for you to truly move on, live more purposefully, judgement must be dropped in favour of awareness and understanding. Unfreeze the moment by accepting yourself; chances are you are not found wanting at all, only needing to see who you really were, are and who you are becoming.

How far you go in life depends on how tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.” - George Washington Carver

Today Ask Yourself:

1. What is the feeling under the judgement?
2. What unfulfilled commitments, expectations or obligations have led you to take this view of yourself, your situation or others?
3. What would you gain if you asked yourself what you could do to make amends, and then did it, learned from it and moved on?

If you are frozen or on a continuous loop of judgement, coaching can help you to move on and design a future of good judgement. Please visit my website for more information, http://www.onpurposelifecoach.com/

Of all the judgements we pass in life, none is more important than the judgement we pass on ourselves. ~Nathaniel Branden