F-raid

Today's Word is Fear

“Fear sometimes stops you from doing stupid things. But it can also stop you from doing creative or exciting or experimental things. It can cloud your judgment of others, and lead to all kinds of evil. The control and understanding of our personal fears is one of the most important undertakings in our life.” - Helen Mirren

For some of the letters, my options have been many and narrowing it down has been a feat of nature. No, feat is not the word for today; could have been, along with fun, follow-through, focus, foster, freedom and on and on. My choice for today has come from years of dealing with this myself and now watching clients abolish it as well. It is fear. Fear as defined in the Webster’s Dictionary is, “to be afraid of: expect with alarm, an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger.”

Fear, at its core is self protection. It is the driving force behind many of your decisions to do or not to do. That is definitely the question. Here is the real kicker – much of your fear is unfounded and is the result of a faulty belief; a learned way of responding to a perceived threat. Perceived is the key word, because to you, the threat and danger feel very real. Your subconscious mind has stored a similar experience or situation which may have had unpleasant results, therefore any situation that seems to replicate this nasty bit of time is thwarted and thus you are protected. Good idea? Sure, if you are being chased by a tiger, a coworker is yelling at you or your great Aunt and Uncle are coming to live with you. I'm just saying...

But, what if the fear pops up whenever you want to pursue your dream of becoming an author, taking a dance class, travelling or going back to school? What if you never commit to your relationships or create boundaries out of fear of disappointing others and not being liked? What if you let fear run your decisions and you never challenge its right to reign supreme? What then? Iyanla Vanzant, author and life coach uses an acronym to explain fear:

Faulty
Expectations
Appearing
Real

I have always loved this description, because it is in thinking that fear is valid and true that we give it power. I know in my own life, I didn’t always label my choices as fear. Procrastination, avoidance, anger and perfectionism, all had at their root in fear. Below that, was a belief that said, “You are not good enough, you will fail, it is too hard” My belief fed the fear and the fear fed the fire of indecision and complacency. This of course led to resentment and regret. Once I made fear my friend and recognized it for what it was – that is all it was. Generally a physical sensation: heart pounding, palms sweating, dizziness. I have learned to recognize its voice and it over time has been silenced by mine! I love fear now, true life saving fear and the fear that lets me know that what I am about to embark on is new and different and strange and most of all important to me. I have replaced the outdated beliefs with a belief, gained over time and experience, that I can trust myself. Trust you see, is the opposite of fear. As Susan Jeffers great book is titled, Feel the Fear and Do it Anyways. That is my wish for you that you see fear as your friend, to be loved and thanked for trying to protect you, but not to be listened to when its motivation is to limit and contain. Use your skills of self-awareness to recognize fear in all its disguises.

“Fear is a question: What are you afraid of, and why? Just as the seed of health is in illness, because illness contains information, your fears are a treasure house of self-knowledge if you explore them.” - Marilyn Ferguson

Today Ask Yourself:

1. What physical sensations do you experience when you are fearful?
2. What clever ways have you disguised your fear (procrastination, outdated dreams, over scheduled)?
3. What would you do if you were not afraid?

For more information on how to identify your fears and then what to do with them, please contact me at, onpurposelifecoaching@hotmail.com