TO ERR IS HUMAN

PRINCIPLE #10:

FORGIVENESS IS FOR YOU

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”

- Paul Boese

Forgiveness is not the condoning or accepting of a behavior or action that is hurtful or harmful; it is letting go and releasing of the energy, attitude, or thought about another, yourself or a situation that is hurtful or harmful to you. Negative thoughts, grudges, resentment and pain move you away from harmony and rarely affect the person you feel wronged by; the largest impact is on you and the quality of your life. The previous principle, the right thing is sometimes the hard thing has never truer than when choosing forgiveness. Forgiveness is about trusting yourself; a knowing that you can choose to not be changed, shaped or altered by the actions of others. It is knowing that within your heart and mind resides the blueprint for the experience you are creating and when you carry anger, judgment and resentment, the door to joy, happiness and harmony is blocked. Just think about what you are “carrying” with you when you hold onto a grudge. Holding onto a historical event that cannot be changed, short of the use of a time machine, is toxic to your current experience. Stop hurting yourself; your resentment, anger and disappointments are not affecting anyone as much as they are impacting you. Forgiveness is for you.

“Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.” - Oprah

FORGIVENESS STARTS AT HOME

When you forgive another, whether they ask for it or not, you are demonstrating self-love. Self-love however, is never more evident than when you forgive yourself. There is not a more effective way to drain your current experience of joy and to limit your ability to learn and grow but to replay a scenario that cannot be changed. Forgiveness is a decision and does not require servitude or punishment. It is a state of being which affirms your worth, your desire to take full responsibility for your life and your ultimate belief in humanity. There are events in life which can appear beyond forgiveness, however if you believe that forgiveness is about setting yourself free, then you recognize you are not in any way, shape or form saying that the abuse, crime or action is acceptable; you are deciding to no longer allow your present and future to be victimized by the past. Forgiveness is the releasing of the event from your current experience and the proclamation of your worth and respect for yourself.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
-Mahatma Gandhi

TO FORGIVE, DIVINE

It is important to allow yourself to feel what you feel about the mistakes you have made or the wrongdoings of others; it is natural. Avoid over analyzing; instead be kind to yourself, glean what you can and let it go. It is wisdom when you can move from hanging on, to letting go, from needing justification, to needing joy, from wanting apologies, to wanting nothing and from resenting, to releasing. Releasing is empowering and provides the opportunity to learn from the experience, to recognize yourself in all of humanity and to create insight in order to avoid polluting the here and now with the unchangeable. The value of forgiveness lies in what it gives you; a restoration and an increase of energy and peace in the present moment.


TWELVE TIPS TO APPLYING THIS PRINCIPLE

1. Forgiveness is for you. Forgiveness is a state of being, it is not an act. It comes from knowing yourself.

2. Forgiveness does not condone or excuse the behavior.

3. Learning to forgive yourself will help you to forgive others.

4. Review the situation and understand how you made the choices you did.

5. When you err - learn from it. Self-flagellation leaves no room for change.

6. When you err - accept full responsibility, apologize and forgive yourself.

7. When others err – accept responsibility for your own thoughts and decisions in response to the situation.

8. Practice by letting go of small grudges: getting cut off in traffic, a co-worker snapping at you, etc.

9. Think about how not forgiving has impacted you – can’t trust, feel bitter, angry all the time, lonely?

10. What would the value of forgiving be - peace, calm, restored energy, time and space for new and more positive thoughts?

11. Get support or counseling to help you deal with painful, abusive or difficult situations.

12. Sometimes forgiveness takes time – both of yourself and others. Be kind to yourself, get support and strengthen your foundation so it comes from a place of value and trust in yourself.

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