MAKE A CHANGE

 WHY CAN’T I
CHANGE?

 

"When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge."  - Tuli Kupferberg

Despite the best of intentions, making a change can feel nearly impossible and certainly uncomfortable. Ponder for a moment the number of people, maybe you include yourself, who are engaging in self-defeating and negative behaviors. Whether it is a lifestyle choice, such as smoking or binge eating or relationship patterns, the desire to change is there, but the ability to do so has left the building. I like to think of change as the unbinding of self, essentially the unbinding of your potential. You were not born to be overweight, in a miserable marriage or argumentative. Your subconscious beliefs and patterns create a blueprint for how you behave, why you react the way you do and it can feel like you have always been this way or even that this is who you are. These are your behaviors and habits that are a result of your dominant thinking and beliefs. This is not who you are, it is how you are expressing yourself. 

“Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.” - Arnold Bennett

CHANGE YOUR MIND

So how do you make a change in your life? How do you become you, minus the limitations? Change is the process of three things: self-awareness, self-responsibility and repetition and as a coach I help you in meeting those three criteria by identifying the internal motivators for change, eliminating the blockages, beliefs, habits and limiting environmental factors and by holding you accountable to the consistent actions required to progress. You must know yourself and in a society that loves drama and to point the finger, self-awareness can be difficult to come by. Have I mentioned the key to living life well is self-awareness? In order to make a change, you must understand why you want to change and what it will do for your life. It means that you get to expand your version and vision of and for yourself and to make sure this change is really for you. You must be willing to let go of the old story that you tell yourself about how it is too hard or it is because of this or that. People do not make a change if they do not want to. If it is for others, your parents, your kids, change will be very difficult to sustain when the motivators are external expectations and not internal drivers. If the joy you will feel by growing and changing is greater than the pain necessary to make the shift, you will succeed. Ask yourself, if I do not make this change now, what will my life look like? Bankruptcy, heart attack, failed marriage? If I do make this change, what will my life look like? Financial abundance, health and a loving relationship? Which option is more painful?

CHANGE OF HEART

The next step is to empower yourself by taking full responsibility for your life and your choices, even the subconscious beliefs and reactive behaviors. The acknowledgment of the problem and the willingness to shift your perspective whenever you behave in negative, albeit, predictable ways, is the only way to truly alter your experiences. Once you know the benefits and have really created awareness around the motivators, buckle up, because this is where courage is born. Notice, I did not say this is where you need courage; this is where you develop courage and character by committing to your long-term vision despite short-term discomfort. Confidence and courage emerges from doing things that you are afraid of, doing things that make you uncomfortable and doing things that are difficult. You must recognize the old pattern and belief and then behave and respond in a new way, often outside your comfort zone and in the face of resistance. Emulate a person you admire, ask friends and family for support and hire life a coach.

WALK YOUR (NEW) TALK

Finally, effecting change involves commitment and consistent choices. Even when you gain self-awareness, have taken responsibility and have harnessed confidence, you then need to do something about it, over and over and over again. The same way the old way beliefs were ingrained, you must form the new way as a habitual and reinforced sate. This comes from the consistent application of the new thoughts and new actions until you have fully grown into that potential.

“He who cannot change the very fabric of his thought will never be able to change reality.” -Anwar Sadat

Life coaching is all about being a catalyst for the change you want to experience in your life. If you would like support please contact me at, onpurposelifecoaching@hotmail.com