“Optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable.” - Voltaire
Look on the bright side. Make lemonade from lemons. Everything happens for a reason. Every cloud has a silver lining. I could go on and the list of ways you can turn the rain into sunshine is endless. Forced positivity is not positive; it is positively detrimental to your well-being and growth. When positivity is euphemistic for numbness, ignorance or denial it is the most ineffective means for surveying your life and the results of your choices. It is a mask and it does not allow for the learning and options that is created through discomfort, vulnerability and pain.
Sometimes the best option, the most honest and important response is to complain, to whine and to feel bad – for a bit. I am not talking years of the sad story, drowning your sorrows or embracing a perpetual state of negativity or hopelessness. Sometimes however, you have to be willing to get down and dirty and sometimes dare I say- embrace the negative, go to the dark side, wallow in it, shout it up – for a bit. This bit of time is the length of time it takes for you to realize the full extent of what you do not want, the repercussions of certain choices and the result of your thoughts and beliefs on your quality of life. Hitting bottom and crawling your way back up is not just for addicts, but applies to all of us as the meeting point between our reality and the realization of our part in this reality. No amount of positive thinking and sugar coating can change underlying beliefs or patterns without first exposing them to the light. This is the birth place of optimism, the place where new options and potential can be realized. Combined with a healthy dose of self-awareness and personal responsibility, you can move forward, with positive energy, a new language and a renewed plan. Masked up, facade-like positivity is a weight and combined with the weight of your disappointments, these feelings unfelt, unexpressed and covered over, only serve to limit your flight and to stall your personal growth. You must get through the disguise–what is going on underneath?
ROSE-COLOURED GLASSES
I am talking about a temporary acceptance and embracing of the downside – as an experience, not as a state of being. I am not talking about believing the worst about your life and yourself. I am not talking about being negative and thinking negative – I am talking bout facing the negative with the fortitude and determination that comes from connecting to the part of you that is separate from the experience; the part of you that yearns to express more, do better and to feel joy. Forced positivity covers, limits and persecutes. It is often more comfortable for you and for others if you appear as if, “all is right with the world”. How can you change what you do not acknowledge, what you do not face and what you do not take responsibility for? What beliefs and thoughts and subsequent actions have created the downside and what is the upside of changing that? Not covering that with the right words and a happy smile and a fake mask is positively inspiring!
Positive thoughts are not enough.
There have to be positive beliefs and actions.
Has embracing the downside ever created more upside? I would love to hear your experiences.
3 comments:
It takes courage to look at the negative events in our lives. Once we look at it and I mean really look at it for what it is and the role we played in bringing it about we can no longer point the finger of blame and wallow in the mire of self pity which in itself is more crippling then the events that took you there. Thanks Shawna
Great Topic and well said once again Shawna....love the picture as well. Great image to illustrate your thoughts. At first the pic looks kinda funny with the happy face, however after reading the BLOG and looking at it again...it's actually quite a sad picture.
Thank you for addressing this topic. I personally feel empowered by your message. I too wore the ‘pretend happy’ mask, and although I was successful in fooling some people, the mask shattered pretty quick, as fooling myself was something I could not carry out for long. Although I wished I’d not have to face sadness, self-pitty and hurt...skipping steps in a healing process is apparently not an option. I’m grateful for it. As they say, without valleys in life there would be no peaks. As a side note, I’m compelled to add that our NA culture, with our ‘hi how are you – oh just fine thank you’ standard responses keeps that ‘pretend happy’ well and alive. Please keep the blogs coming!
Post a Comment