BY CHOICE

DISTINCTION# 3:

CHOICE

VERSUS

AVOIDING CONSEQUENCE

“One's philosophy is not best expressed in words. It is expressed in the choices one makes. In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Choice is the freedom to pick from options and a consequence is the result or effect garnered by the choice. If you stay up too late, you will be tired, if you are late for curfew, you will be punished, if you eat that cookie…well, you get the idea. There are consequences to actions and we make our choices by determining what we want to experience. But often our true motivation is unconscious and instead of intending to produce a favorable outcome, we are desperately attempting to avoid a negative outcome or negative consequence. Most of us have grown up with and obviously live in a society where avoiding negative consequence often becomes the method by which we make choices. Even as adults we are constantly working within this parameter, if I do not go to the staff BBQ, if I do not pay these bills, if I do not finish this project etc. This distinction is about recognizing the difference between deciding based on the avoidance of a consequence (disappointing others, failing, fear it will be too difficult, shame etc.) over deciding from a purposeful, proactive and aware mind frame. When you intend to avoid  consequence, the driving force is to escape pain and discomfort, rather than making a choice because it aligns with your values and beliefs. When you live from avoiding consequence, you live in fear and are living based on fulfilling a role or identity. When you live from choice, by choice, you understand your intentions and therefore the results you aim to create, not the results you intend to avoid. A subtle, but profound difference.

“Every man builds his world in his own image. He has the power to choose, but no power to escape the necessity of choice.” ~ Ayn Rand

SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCE….

Avoiding negative consequences is a reaction. It creates a victim mentality; that you are at the mercy of your parents, then eventually your teachers and now your boss and bill collector and so on. Avoiding consequence encourages limited options which are dictated by others and influenced by external expectations. This way of deciding is fueled by negative emotions: fear, jealousy, anger and so on. The consequence of responding to life in this way is that you diminish your options and you stop seeing yourself as an active participant and designer of your life. Avoiding negative consequence supports options designed to eliminate fear, pain and regret and leads to people pleasing and loose boundaries and over time can feed resentment, regret and disempowerment.

PICK AND CHOOSE

Choice is an action. It is born from trying on options and is the desire to live your life in an authentic and purposeful way. It is proactive and positive and means that you welcome the results of all the choices you have made, including paying the bills and going to certain staff functions! Choice is activated by the emotions of joy, peace and love and is about taking full responsibility for your life; full accountability where you think about the long-term consequences, which guide choices and encourage responsibility, not out of force or fear, but out of faith and fulfillment. Choice is a way to live your values, giving meaning and purpose to life. That is a consequence I am positively happy to choose.

Choice: proactive, creative and the invitation to what you intend to create, because of you.

Avoiding Consequence:  reactive, passive and the avoidance of imagined or real negative consequences or feelings, which just happen to you.

How are you deciding which options to choose?