FIRST RESPONSE

DISTINCTION #8

RESPONDING VERSUS REACTING

“Every human has four endowments-self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom... The power to choose, to respond, to change.”
 ~ Stephen R. Covey

Are you responding to or reacting to life? This one distinction creates a profound difference, determining whether a situation becomes worse or if a situation becomes better. Things happen, challenges come up, things are broken and in each case the options for your behavior lies firmly with you. Responding is an empowering, self-aware and mobilizing response whereas reacting is a disempowering, non-aware and limiting response.

CHAIN REACTION

Reacting is the knee jerk response to a situation and often involves blame and persecution of another or the event. A reaction takes into account, only the way a situation makes you feel and who or what caused it. It is an energy zapping retort and leads to quick words and deeds with little thought to the other side or the long-term consequences. An instinctual and visceral behavior which serves you well in life threatening situations by allowing you to act rapidly without a lot of conscious mental processing, but it is a sabotaging, disempowering behavior when you become reactionary in your life and ultimately a victim. There is no room for growth or self-awareness and the lasting outcomes include health issues, relationship problems and ultimately stymied growth and therefore, blocked joy. When reacting has become habitual it is time to ask yourself if you are under too much stress, afraid or not getting your needs of safety or love met. You can then make the choice to respond to this awareness in order to take back emotional control.

“Respond intelligently even to unintelligent treatment.” ~ Lao Tzu

RESPOND IN KIND

Maturity, self-awareness and practice leads to responding to circumstances and is simply defined as, the pause. It is the break in the action that allows the immediate swell of emotional intensity to be calmed and evaluated by the logical thought processes. When you respond, you are saying to yourself, “I always have a choice. I may not like what is happening or what I am feeling but I can choose how to proceed.” This conscious act is one of respect for yourself and allows you to choose a course of action that encourages full responsibility and responsibility is defined as, “the ability to respond." This bridge between the event and your reaction is about empowerment. From this place you can learn about yourself, what your boundaries are, what is missing in your life and what triggers you may need to heal. It also shows you that when inappropriate, frustrating or hurtful things happen, you can make them better or make them worse simply by taking a breath before you make a move, in order to act in your best interest.

I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR RESPONSE

It is immensely powerful and ultimately freeing to respond versus react. The energy and disarray, stress and frustration that follows a reaction does not lead to resolution, responsibility or reflection and eventually you become a victim of life. Responding is proactive and allows you to see possibility, potential and purpose. By not indulging in the harmless reactive behaviors you begin to trust yourself and your ability to be in the world and that response it truly wonderful.

Responding: Empowering, Responsibility, Pausing, Breathing, Opening, Listening.

Reacting: Disempowering, Blaming, Attacking, Immediate, Closing, Talking.