IN HINDSIGHT

 

 

"Of all the forms of wisdom, hindsight is by general consent the least merciful, the most unforgiving."

~ John Fletcher

How, when and why do you use hindsight? Well, the first step is to avoid using it. Why? Because how you tell the story, becomes the story and if you are neck deep and swimming in disappointment, it is far better to get to the shore before you start asking how you got here. Your wise and compassionate self may not be easily accessible and telling the story through sad, disappointed and angry eyes will blind you to the learning and information that could be gained from stepping back.

GIVE IT A REST...

When you get to the shore; you are tired, battered and worn out. You are disappointed; something did not work out, you are a frustrated or you flat-out made the wrong choice. The first step is to take good care, rest and recover. This is when you allow what you feel to come through, express, but avoid over dramatizing: This always happens to me, I am always a failure and life is not fair. This is where you surround yourself with people who love and care for you and this is where you wait. This is also where you continue, if possible, to take small steps every day to handle the necessities of your life. Oh, you will hear the voices of could have and should have and if only creep in. You must strike them from your vocabulary. You cannot change the past - try and try though you might; there is nothing you can do to rewrite history. Thinking this should not have happened to me or using hindsight bias at regular intervals creates a battle against your present moment. The should haves and if onlys do not change the reality of what you are experiencing. If only you could feel the pain and embrace the discomfort you could honour what is really happening - you are sad and mad and it feels like it is all too much to bear. This is the pain of regret that hindsight at this very moment is trying to help you avoid. Do not hide, run or avoid it. Let it out, because doing so will help to clear the disappointment and the confusion and eventually you will be able to hear, see and feel the messages needed to move you forward. Do not avoid the present moment pain, by hiding in the shadows of what has past.

A THING OF THE PAST

This is a grieving process - make no mistake about it. You have lost something; a dream, an idea and/or your direction and it takes time to heal. But, healing my lovely does not happen when you continue to beat yourself silly with the whip of regret. It never has and it never will. So the first step in using hindsight, is to not use it. The first step is to recognize when hindsight is not a tool of transformation, but a tool of torture. Wait, breathe and when the intensity has changed you can begin to re-claim the essence of what you have lost and what you were hoping to gain. It is from this place that hindsight can be leveraged.