HEALTHY ATTITUDES

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HOW YOU FEEL.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” 

~ Victor Frankl

Feelings are not things given to you or inflicted on you or bestowed upon you; they are the intimate connection between your world and your interpretation of yourself. One of the challenges is that you may have learned to view feelings as a result of some external event; that the “cause” of your feelings are outside of you. This is not true. We have feelings because of our beliefs and expectations about a person or event or situation. This is the cause of our feelings. They are not the result of or inherent in the situation itself. An example of this is how two people can “feel” differently about the same scenario. For example, waiting in line at a grocery store - one person may “feel” frustrated and annoyed. Their thought pattern is that they are in a hurry, too many things to do and that this is poor customer service. The person beside them is “feeling” calm and happy. Their thought pattern is that they have a few minutes to flip through a magazine and zone out after a long day and they really like the tune that is playing. Same situation – different interpretation. Certainly other people’s behaviors, words and actions can initiate a response, but it is up to each of us to understand what we were thinking or believing that created that result. This is a sign of emotional intelligence and self-awareness; the willingness to actively create how you feel, express how you feel and own how you feel.

HOW: Moving from emotional dependency (she made me, it is their fault, if he wouldn't have and so on) to emotional responsibility takes courage, self awareness and practice. It means that you do not take other’s actions personally, you have compassion and recognize where other people are coming from, you create healthy boundaries and you acknowledge the hurt feelings that arose in you.  You will honor them and learn more about what brought that up in you – how were you thinking about yourself or the situation that created that feeling? What could you think or believe to change that? You have a right to feel what you feel but that right comes with responsibility – learning to let feelings flow through you, using them as a message and separating who you really are, from the temporary nature of your feelings, is a huge step towards peace.

GET COMFORTABLE WITH DISCOMFORT

In order to grow we must be willing to feel discomfort. Learning a new skill, dropping a bad habit, meeting new people and changing perspective are all ways that we can grow and will require a certain level of discomfort as we approach the unfamiliar and the new. You cannot get the view from the top of the mountain, without first climbing the mountain. That is not without some uneasiness– muscle aches, blisters, fatigue and so on.  Discomfort can be your friend and your motivational fuel –if you use it, burn it and allow it to propel you forward. What is ironic is that we will avoid the short-term discomfort required to make the shift and will instead live in a slow, growing and unmoving pain. Life is hard sometimes, but it is deeply rewarding to face and then overcome, despite challenges and hardships and the occasional blister.  When we rise up and affirm our desires and push through to the top of the mountain, we are rewarded with the experience and the view and most of all, a renewed love for ourselves and the knowledge of what we are capable of.

“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” 

~Kenji Miyazawa

How: Get comfortable with discomfort. In order to do this you must practice and practice and over time you will gain evidence that your dreams, goals and desires are worth the occasional "climb". You will learn that it is temporary and that once you take the step and the change occurs, you can then rest and enjoy, before you take on the next step. How is avoiding discomfort causing you to live in pain? What could change if you got comfortable with the discomfort?