BE Your All

MYTH # 1: "YOU CAN DO OR HAVE IT ALL"

“You CAN have it all. You just can't have it all at once.” - Oprah Winfrey

Have you bought into the myth that you can do or have it all? Are you bombarded by images in the media or do you have the oh so perfect neighbor or friend who has the seemingly ideal life with the always happy children, well-walked dog, clean home and incredibly successful career, all the while looking amazing and having mind blowing sex four times a week? The false expectation that you can have it all at once is unreasonable and dangerous, leading to great dissatisfaction in the pursuit of a myth, untruth and downright lie. Although my intention is not to disregard the male readership, this is much more prevalent on the female side of the equation. Men, historically, have been encouraged to and therefore are more capable of, compartmentalizing their lives, saying no and respecting their self-worth. Women continue to attempt to fulfill some mythical role of the ultimate human being, holding it all together. Many of you will tell me that you know this is not true and it is unrealistic but actions beguile this logical thought as you continue to wear multiple hats, at multiple times. This is one of the most common challenges I see in my practice.

WHERE IT ALL BEGAN

Let us take a look at how this myth started. Feminism ushered in an era of “woman can have it all” and since then the confusion around this message has lead to burn out, frustration and self-hate. The feminist movement was about a woman’s right to have it all, a woman’s right to choose. The right to create, earn, mother, love, express and support herself in whichever way she chose; limited not by her sex, but by her preferences. You certainly were not meant to be a hybrid; half man, half woman. Attaining equality did not mean giving up who you are as a woman or assuming all the roles, but instead aimed to strengthen your position as an intelligent, essential and integral participant in all facets of society. What does it really mean to you when you think about having at all? Every choice you are making is your attempt to move closer to happiness and joy and further from discomfort. How is it working for you? The hope of many the feminist trailblazer was that you have would feel entitled to design your life as a reflection of a human being fully realized, separate from assumed roles and traditional viewpoints; you could move closer to your joy. No longer tethered to a one definition, no longer less than a man; living your life in acceptable ways, void of self expression.

WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE?

All you have to do to challenge this myth is to ask yourself how many someday projects and aspirations are on your to do list? How many of them are inevitably moved to the bottom of the list in favor of obligations and tedious chores that do not bring you joy? Your life is by your design whether you are consciously creating it or not. You are making choices by where you put your attention, direct your thoughts and subsequently spend your time. Have you achieved calm, peace or joy more often than not in your life? Are you really doing it all? When you begin to design your life and understand what fuels and then moves you, you will have it all - all the happiness and joy you desire, all the calm and peace you deserve, all the passion and fulfillment you crave. Being your all is about authenticity and not “shoulding” all over yourself. Being your all is participating in life in a way that honours your values and your priorities. Priorities will mutate over time and during your lifetime of experiences, you may very well, do, be and have it all, just not all instantaneously and not without something or someone suffering. Usually that someone is you. Whether you are just starting out in life, ending up or somewhere in-between, it is never too late to begin designing your life in a more honest and authentic way. Let this myth go and rewrite herstory!

Challenge The Myth:

Today’s challenge is to write down and create an action plan to effectively eliminate three things in your life that are shoulds, that drain you and that are not in line with your values. Do this so that you can be your all!

Please contact me if you would like to challenge the outdated beliefs that are guiding your life, I would love to help.