I Am Losing Balance

MYTH # 2: WORK-LIFE BALANCE

There is not a more frustrating myth or social theme to a life coach than the concept of balance; work-life balance. If you have ever tried to achieve this elusive state of equality between all facets of your life, you will probably agree that something that sounds great in theory, does not always translate to a healthy practice. This has served only to create yet another way that people can berate themselves for failing. In my blog on unity, I briefly discussed this concept, as what most people truly desire is simply a sense of control and choice with how they spend their time, ensuring the ability to uphold their commitments. This catch phrase reportedly first appeared in our diatribe somewhere between the 70’s and 80’s and has been an ineffective way to describe the conundrum many face when unifying their day. Your work and life are not two different things and considering most of you are spending forty to sixty hours a week working, I would say this is a large part of your life! When you speak of balance the root yearning is the desire for an absence of adrenaline and force and overwhelm that comes from aligning your goals with your values, creating healthy boundaries and adjusting your standards. Balance is feeling satisfied with your life and the expression of your strengths and values in your day to day experience. It is not the measurement of time you spend doing an activity, but the quality it adds to your life, your community and the people you love.

LOSE BALANCE

You don’t need balance, you need boundaries. Boundaries require self-awareness married with self-respect and are the guidelines for what people can and cannot do around you. Boundaries are essential in all your relationships and when set up in an honest way demonstrate self-respect. Clearly identifying your priorities and what is acceptable is the first step in establishing boundary rules. The next step is learning to communicate and then consistently following-through with actions that mirror these guidelines. If you have people pleased, condoned or allowed a multitude of behaviors and requests in the past, without asking for what you needed or creating limitations, it will take dedication on your part to re-orient the people in your life around this new guidance system. This is an effective way to begin creating a reserve of energy in your time and life, allowing you to feel calmer and more in control of your time.

LOWER THE BAR

The next factor to consider is your standards. A standard is the level of performance and practice you hold yourself to. This follows our first myth nicely. What can you let go of, do less or delegate? If you are still hanging onto the outmoded belief that you alone should be able to do or have it all, then your life will definitely be running you, not the other way around. When was the last time you re-evaluated your personal and work standards? What worked before you had children may not work now. If you have taken on greater responsibilities at work you, may have to delegate or ask for help. GASP! There is an ebb and flow to standards that requires an honest look at your current situation and how you are spending your most valuable currency – time.

INTERNAL VS. EXTERNAL BALANCE

Life will always be imbalanced. You will want or need to put different time and effort into different segments of your life at different times and success in anything requires a certain degree of singular focus to accomplish or complete certain goals and projects. I will never give my clients a wheel of life; a personal development tool which aims to evaluate whether or not all the segments: health, kids, careers, creativity, spirituality and on and on are receiving equal attention and time. It is not possible. End the madness! Any attempt to live up to this societal meme is frustrating at the least and self-punishing at the most. As a perfectionist, overachiever, constant learner and wife, I gave up the idea of balance long ago, aiming instead for clear priorities, healthy boundaries and realistic standards and I have been much more satisfied because of it! Let go of the idea of balance as a measurement of time and look at it instead as a measurement of how many times in the day you are true to yourself.

CHALLENGE THE MYTH

How you are spending your time? Is that how you want to spend your time?
What are your priorities?
Create, communicate and consistently uphold healthy boundaries.
Check your standards: let go, ask for help, minimize or ditch altogether.

If you would enjoy support in discovering and implementing boundaries and maintaining healthy standards, please send me an email at, onpurposelifecoaching@hotmail.com