MYTH:YOU HAVE TO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS IN THE SAME WAY OR CELEBRATE IT AT ALL.
“Create your own method. Don't depend slavishly on mine.
Make up something that will work for you! But keep breaking traditions, I beg you.”
- Konstantin Stanislavisky
The myth that Christmas has to be done, celebrated or claimed in any particular shape or form creates enormous stress and disappointment at this time of year. The season is difficult for many people and peace at home, let alone on Earth can seem like a bit of a stretch. While you are busy shopping for presents, true presence is missing. The holidays are often described as the worst time of the year. Many of my coaching clients, family and friends struggle to redefine their experience of Christmas and to honor what is right for them. Financial strain, deceased loved ones, family dramas, high expectations, as well as huge demands on time and energy overwhelm many. I have noticed that the run-up to Christmas is often fraught with shoulds, stress and disappointment, with many people unable to stop the speeding train. Statistically speaking, Christmas has the highest rate of suicides, domestic violence and divorce. The ideal which is projected and then the pressure around creating it, can be a heavy, sometimes impossible burden to bear. It is not too late to reclaim this time of year. Whether Christmas is a religious celebration or family holiday or a time for reflection or not at all, it can be your choice and a present you gift yourself by reevaluating what it means to you.
BREAK WITH TRADITION?
Christmas is often difficult because of the vast demands placed on a few days to resurrect the joy and lightheartedness of youth; a time for some when worries were few and happiness was overflowing. Many people will painstakingly attempt to recreate the feelings and memories of days gone by through the use of traditions: baking, decorating, gifts and activities. What made the season special at seven is impossible and unnecessary to capture at forty seven. Never mind that now you have three kids, work fifty hours a week, live six hours from your family and have a mortgage! When I ask people why they are doing all that they are doing, the responses are generally, “my family has always done it that way, it would not be the same without it and I have to or my family will kill me.” I encourage my clients to view the Christmas season in a new way. Never has the word(s) should or have to been more abused then during holiday seasons. What if you reclaimed this time in whatever way feels right to you? Traditions can be valuable and serve to connect one generation with another and many are worth keeping, however it is not the tradition that connects, it is the feeling that is evoked; love, appreciation and joy. You can induce this connection all year in a myriad of ways. It is important to ask yourself what is right for you and your family now? How would you like to spend your time and money at Christmas and does it match your values? This time of year can bring about a recommitment to the life you want to live, the kind of relationships you want to have and a refocusing on the values by which you steer your life.
CHALLENGE THE MYTH
As a society we often condone or buy into self destructive behaviors; defending them with mass consensus, never looking into the origins or asking questions for ourselves. So here it is: Christmas has become a packaged, blended ideology based on a mixture of tradition, religion, commercialism and expectation, not one of which is completely pure or right in its model. There is not one absolute way to honor this time, however anything that creates more stress, pushes gluttony, claims hierarchy or disconnects you from being truly present to your life and the world around you is no longer a celebration of anything, but a degradation of the what is possible when you first respect yourself and then others. This is the goal all year round and if you create or maintain only one tradition – maybe the best one is to be true yourself and others in the spirit of peace.
My wish for you is internal peace and a true presence to your life – now and always. - Shawna
3 comments:
The best write up on Christmas I have read. There is nothing worse than doing what everyone expects of you and not do what ultimately brings you joy. It is like you stated it has become skewed beyond belief. Just look around and you will find the Spirit of what Christmas is to stand for is lost. It is so sad to see people who are so unhappy and stressed in order to fit into the ideal. Our family has no expectations at Christmas or anytime of the year. Whenever we do have the opportunity to spend time with each other, we cherish that moment for what it is. I guess anytime I can feel the joy of being who I am, it's Christmas. Thanks Shawna for putting in words what most of us feel but don't have the courage to say. Looking forward to next year together.
This is definitely a topic everyone has experienced but never talks about. Even when it is brought to conversation many will attempt to encourage you to stay with the plan and "don't worry, you don't have to spend that much on gifts" or something along that lines. The pressure to share your time is felt by everyone, and can lead to many days wishing you didn't "have to".
No question - the best memories I have are from my childhood. Christmas was an great time of the year. Having the awareness that the holidays as an adult are different from that time of our life can be very valuable.
Over the years we have slowly attempted to minimize the stress of Christmas. It's worked for us, however it's taken many years to get everyone to buy into our "New Christmas Experience". We're still not 100% there yet.
Christmas in Mexico anyone!!
Well said. I agree with the other comment Christmas is a feeling that you can experience anytime of the year. Thanks for putting in words what most of us would love to say.
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