Mother Theresa was Selfish

PRINCIPLE # 8 BE SELFISH

“Nothing resembles selfishness more closely than self-respect.”

― George Sand

Oh, how I love topics that create an immediate reaction and I am guessing this principle made you sit up and take notice? What on earth could I mean? How could I possibly suggest that in a world that is so apparently full of disregard, degradation and destruction that selfishness is a key principle? Why would this ever be a key for living your life On Purpose? It is simple, if you do not take care of your needs; emotionally, physically, intellectually and socially you will not be able to effectively relate or contribute to your life or to others in an honest and authentic way. I often quote and refer to the dictionary to develop a greater understanding of a word; this time I will be giving you the definition that I use as a Life Coach. The definition I use is one of self-focus and ultimately self-respect and when applied fosters the ability to create boundaries, live joyfully and be On Purpose. Selfishness is about the highest level of self-awareness, self-interest and self-caring. It is becoming attentive to self. It is self-care personified and is the very foundation by which true philanthropy and giving is accomplished.

TRUE GENEROSITY

We have come to see selfish as bad and to be avoided at all costs; it is the selfish person that is ruining the world. I have news; it is the “good” selfish that are saving the world. Being attentively selfish is not about being cruel or greedy and it is not about being egocentric. What it is about is extreme generosity and kindness, towards yourself. There is certainly selfishness that happens due to complete disregard for others, but this stems from a complete disregard of oneself. Why has selfishness become synonymous with self-centered, ignorant and mean? When you do not take care of your own needs but instead attempt to gain approval, satisfaction and love by “giving” to others, what you are ultimately doing is taking selfishly from others. This type of reliance and expectation is ultimately the negative version of selfishness. Have you ever been around a continual do-gooder? The person who is all about helping and supporting others? The person who is literally filling their own needs by helping others? There is often an undercurrent of expectation or neediness and can become apparent when the giving is not reciprocated in the way they expect. What is interesting is that many people who are spouting the downfalls of selfishness lack the foundation or reserves of energy or time to be in authentic relationships. I have seen time and time again how this person eventually grows to resent, “how much others need them, rely on them and/or expect them to be there.”

"Giving yourself some loving attention is not selfish. It is sensible. If you feel loved and cherished--even if it is only by yourself--then you will have more love to give to others, too.” ― Penelope Quest

YOUR CUP RUNNETH OVER

When you are practicing self-care it naturally encourages you to be kind, generous and caring towards others as you recognize that anything other is self-destructive and counterproductive to the life you are creating. It is the very nature of being selfish that creates the most authentic interactions, as you understand who you are and that what you think and value and need is important and by extension you honor and value others. No more people pleasing, no more saying yes when you mean no and no more burnout from the continual attempt to do “good or right.” It is essential to understand the distinction between being self-focused and destructively selfish. Even seemingly selfless acts have their root in self-care and self-focus. Even Mother Theresa was selfish. By being attentive to self, she became the epitome of generosity, kindness and love. She spent her life in the service of her "calling" and did so because it made her feel good, connected to God and gave her purpose. She was "good" selfish. It is this principle that has the potential to dramatically shift interactions and the entire focus of society. Imagine the difference in a world where each individual by virtue of self-care and self-love and self-understanding has an overflow to give to others and are willing to do it. Your life, your body and your care is under your charge. You require time and energy in order to foster well-being. You must let go of any notion that says that this type of selfishness is wrong. I believe it is destructively selfish of you to ignore, limit, pacify, appease or any way disregard, degrade or destroy the opportunity to live your best life, On Purpose.

TWELVE WAYS TO APPLY THIS PRINCIPLE

1. There is a good selfish and a bad selfish.

2. Healthy selfish contributes to generosity and true caring.

3. Selfishness is self-care.

4. Selfishness is self-respect.

5. As you meet your needs you will feel less Selfish and more giving.

6. It is bad selfish to expect others to fill every need.

7. All acts of kindness have a payoff for the giver as well as the receiver.

8. Do not not strive for the labels of kind, sweet and generous but embody those qualities first with yourself and then others.

9. Encourage others to respect and care for themselves.

10. Be generous with your time and energy in ways that use your strengths – the more fulfilling something is, the more engaged and committed you will be.

11. Find role models, mentors or a Life Coach who can help you to develop this principle.

12. Selfish is becoming attentive to Self.

I would love to help you create an attentive life. Please visit my website for further information. www.onpurposelifecoach.com