“For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
– William Shakespeare
How often have you said “one step at a time?” There is value in this; it reminds you to stay present, do what you can right now and break tasks down into smaller chunks. You have probably also heard that your world is a product of your thoughts. You are creating your reality. I like to say, “one thought at a time.” Thoughts are tricky little devils, because you believe they are all true. I feel and think xyz, therefore my thoughts must be right. That must be the case? Anybody in my situation would think and feel this way! Not so fast. Stress and pain can be shifted and changed by learning to observe, then question and ultimately let go of disempowering thoughts. Most people are sleep walking, repeating clichés and being run by their emotional addictions. When the source of your lack, dis-ease, abundance and overall lot in life is outside of yourself, how can you ever feel empowered to change? If your thoughts are simply the expected, habitual response to your circumstances, how can you ever really live or even have free will? What makes the difference for people whose situation could be considered incredibly challenging or limiting and yet they were able to rise above and beyond their story? ONE THOUGHT AT A TIME
One thought at a time means you stay present and you choose the way you want to think and feel and become 100% responsible and proactive. Everything you think is about you and for you –judgments, insults directed towards others, limiting beliefs you carry – all you. Thoughts are always occurring but which ones you endorse, act on and ultimately “believe” is your choice, no matter what your circumstances. You shift from waiting for something to change externally and you begin to observe all your experiences as an opportunity to learn about yourself. “Hmmm, that is an interesting thought I am having in response to …. What would I like to think about that? How do I want to feel?" Rather than repeatedly ruminating: I can’t believe they would do that to me or people are so rude or my childhood was bad, my husband cheated on me etc. As you begin to mind your brain you discover a place where things are neither good nor bad. Crazy idea, right? Think of Nelson Mandela. While in prison for eighteen years, he directed his thoughts towards loving those who imprisoned him, educating himself and demonstrating leadership. His thoughts were that of a conscious, engaged and purposeful individual. He was not a victim of his external circumstances; he was empowered through the use of deliberate intent and the power of thought. His favorite poem by William Henley was clearly symbolic of the mastery of his world by thoughtful consideration: “I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.”
A TRAIN OF THOUGHT
Clients will say to me: “but this bad thing did happen or I am unhappy or my life is hard, so can I think differently about what is really happening or has happened? I honor a person’s journey and know that feelings can be intense, but to change your life you must get real. It is about asking questions and listening beyond the story and the justification, knowing that no matter how hard or bad it seems, you can free yourself simply by choosing a better thought. There is a story of twin brothers who grew up in an abusive home with a drug addicted father. One brother grew up to be just like his Dad: in and out of jail and addicted to drugs. The other brother was a volunteer at a local shelter, went to university and got an education degree and started a family. When both were asked, “why did your life turn out this way and why did you make the choices you have?" Both said – how could I not! Same experience, but they believed different thoughts, thereby creating a different reality. One chose the empowering thoughts and took back responsibility and wrote a different story. This brother did not ruminate, replay and think victim thoughts. The other chose disempowering thoughts and lived in the land of good and bad and negatives.
I have come to see the perfection in every moment and I am increasingly amused by the inaccuracy and fallacy of my thoughts. Their desire to feed my ego; to prove, be right, defend and overall, create stress. My ego or personality desperately wants to avoid transcending and needs to have others be wrong, in order to be right – essentially in order to be. Now when I feel stress, I am angry at someone or feel hurt, I know that I need to question my thoughts. I need to test them out and try on different thoughts. I know I need to learn about the real me or reality, not justify the personality. You will start to see life as a reflection, an opportunity, a questionable perception that literally transforms before your eyes when you challenge the thoughts. Wayne Dyer said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
Consider the following parable:
NEITHER GOOD NOR BAD
"...an old Chinese farmer lost his best stallion one day and his neighbor came around to express his regrets, but the farmer just said, "Who knows what is good and what is bad." The next day the stallion returned bringing with him 3 wild mares. The neighbor rushed back to celebrate with the farmer, but the old farmer simply said, "Who knows what is good and what is bad." The following day, the farmer's son fell from one of the wild mares while trying to break her in and broke his arm and injured his leg. The neighbor came by to check on the son and give his condolences, but the old farmer just said, "Who knows what is good and what is bad." The next day the army came to the farm to conscript the farmer's son for the war, but found him invalid and left him with his father. The neighbor thought to himself, "Who knows what is good and what is bad." - Taoist parable
WHICH PATH WILL YOU CHOOSE?
Honor your life by getting real. Are your repetitive thoughts and beliefs really true and more importantly are they empowering or disempowering you? Are you living the life you want and who is really responsible for that, if not you? Start with that thought and see what unfolds. Who would you be and what could you life look like if you examined your thoughts and came to a new or different conclusion?
Can you think of a time when you challenged a thought or belief and by doing so were able to make a change, shift a mood or see a new way? If you would like support recognizing your thoughts for what they are, please contact me.
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