A THING OF THE PAST...

“The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday.”  ― Steve Maraboli

For many people moving forward with life after a painful situation: a job loss, a divorce, the death of a loved one ranges from challenging to excruciatingly painful. Reinventing and considering the landscape after a major shift requires taking control of who you will become. This starts with a choice; a choice to live in the present, not the past and to resist the urge to wait for the future to seek you out.

WHAT YOU RESIST PERSISTS

Transformation occurs internally and is the re-connection with who you are, the honoring of your feelings and needs and the ability to accept where you are at. “What you resist persists.” It is the resisting of what is and the waiting for the external world to change or wanting the magic pill of fulfillment and happiness that continues the pain and results in stagnation. A good starting place is to identify what you want to feel: calmer, excited or peaceful? Envision yourself carrying those feeling with you. What people, actions and thoughts could you access right now to experience those feeling? Then take a step, even a small step. Unfortunately what often happens is the feelings of loss, regret, pain or sadness are choosing for you. These feelings become the guidebook which run your life. They seem so real and accurate that instead of being an e-motion, they have become your identity, your lot in life and the physiological reinforcement of the past. Becoming free of the past does not require intensive analysis; just the opposite, as the replaying and recreation of the pain, loss and sadness by virtue of your story only feeds the emotions and the limiting beliefs that are ruling your life.   Begin to challenge your limiting thoughts, to take action despite feeling bad and to embrace the current experience rather than resist it. The work is in the moment to moment decisions. Change requires acceptance of what was and is and if you can muster it, a little gratitude for all the nuances of life.

“Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go but rather learning to start over.” ― Nicole Sobon

WHAT DO I DO NOW?

Maybe you do not know exactly what you want to do or what makes you feel good, yet. You may have attached your happiness and contentment to that which has changed or been lost. Maybe you have forgotten that you are still 100% you without another person or that career? You may have told yourself it is impossible or not the same or it will never feel good. As you begin to take back intention for your life and to shift from the past to the present, more possibilities will unfold and the courage to open up to options will increase. Most often people are stuck in what should have been, what they have lost and what they miss that this attitude is permeating every thought, feeling and action. Your dreams are tainted with the past, your present is robbed by the past and your future is being created by the past.

 “When we think we have been hurt by someone in the past, we build up defenses to protect ourselves from being hurt in the future. So the fearful past causes a fearful future and the past and future become one."

 ― Gerald G. Jampolsky

FEAR BY ANY OTHER NAME IS STILL FEAR

Transformation is difficult because letting go, even of the painful, takes courage. It is often easier and eventually habitual, to hang onto what is comfortable and familiar, rather than embrace the unknown. You may struggle with limiting beliefs or stories which hold you back from exploring new things, taking a risk or even allowing yourself to dream. You may be trying to convince yourself that you do not know what you want or what you need. In most cases people will not allow themselves the full exploration of their dreams or options out of fear of disappointment, fear of failure and fear of the unknown. Fear, fear and more fear. These thoughts and feelings are now physiologically ingrained - you have literally become that state of mind. Metamorphosis occurs when you recognize what you are thinking, saying, feeling and doing but avoid analyzing or blaming and simply ask yourself, what can I do right now to move forward? What can I do right now to choose a better thought or create a better feeling? What could I do to empower myself? If you continue to live your life guided by the emotion you want to avoid, you will continue to live and think from the past. So while you are waiting to feel 100% confident, assured and happy or waiting for the big sign, the how, the sure thing, the easy, the quick fix or the savior - your life will be waiting.

"Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar." 

- Thich Nhat Hanh

*It is important to note that many people are able to use therapy, self-help approaches, affirmations, goal setting, yoga, meditation and on and on to make the shift from disempowered to empowered, however if despite best efforts and multiple approaches a person is still living with their past mistakes, stories, limiting beliefs and wounds of days gone by, it is helpful to employ Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and specific coaching methods. Repetitively thinking and feeling, and feeling and thinking one way for quite some time reinforces the very patterns of behavior, they are trying to change. When a person attempts a new approach the brain-body reverts back to the familiar reactions. EFT helps to stop this feedback loop and reinforces new patterns that allows for massive shifts. Please contact me with any questions about EFT and how it can help you to move forward. Please visit my website, www.onpurposelifecoach.com for more information.