LABOURING UNDER THE ASSUMPTION

I INVITE YOU TO:

“Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in awhile, or the light won't come in.” ~Alan Alda

Every single day you make assumptions in order to make sense of the world and to survive. You accept things as true without needing an overture of proof or verification. This is necessary, as it would be exhausting to run around fact checking every single thing. Assumptions are often ideas you have learned when you were young and they are now part of your belief system. The word assumption is defined as, “The act of taking for granted, something accepted as true without proof; presumption; arrogance.” There are fine distinctions between inferring, observing, judging, interpreting and implying; far too many to cover in this writing, however, simply understanding that your assumptions may or may not be logical, true or justified is an important step in critical thinking. Testing out certain assumptions reveals what is subconscious (your beliefs) and brings them to your conscious awareness in order to be evaluated. You make hundreds of assumptions every day; I have enough gas in the car to get home, 1+1=2, if I go to work I will get paid. The danger of certain assumptions is in thinking that they are absolutely right or accurate, never challenging their validity. I have seen assumptions destroy relationships, stifle creativity, create missed opportunities, thwart personal growth and feed erroneous beliefs. As a Life Coach I am continually testing or challenging my client’s assumptions in order to reveal new insight and options, transforming the current circumstance. When you test and often drop the assumptions you are able to expect the unexpected.

“We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they really are or the way they should be. And our attitudes and behaviors grow out of these assumptions.” ~ Stephen Covey

I WILL TELL YOU HOW YOU FEEL...

You make inferences (come to a logical conclusion) based on an assumption. So, for instance, when you know someone well you will feel confident in your ability to make an inference about their behavior; to know what they mean or feel and you will predict an outcome. You base this on an assumption related to past behavior or your interpretation of past behavior. Or you may meet someone for the first time and catch them having an off day. You see them yelling on the phone and throwing things around their office. In that moment you observed that they were angry, you inferred that they must be unhappy or have a bad temper and that they are not a nice person. You based this on your assumption that there is no excuse for that behavior and only really mean people behave that way. Your ongoing belief about this person is that they are to be avoided. So, what happens if your interpretation based on your assumption is not accurate? When an assumption is not tested or verified the risk of alienating, hurting and distancing yourself from others increases. The opportunity to learn and grow is lost and there is no intimacy or connection because, you already know what they are thinking, you know how it is going to turn out, you know who they are etc. Misunderstandings are often the result of imposing your interpretation or view point of an event onto another. You will need to drop your ego, your need to be right and your desire to have all the answers, long enough to engage in conversation and open yourself up to the perception of the other person. This requires sharing your view and asking the other party if you are on the right track and then remaining open to their response. True respect in any relationship is the honoring of the varied differences, while at the same time acknowledging the fundamental commonality of wanting to be heard and understood.

 “Most of our assumptions have outlived their uselessness.”

~ Marshall McLuhan

TO SAVE TIME, LET'S JUST ASSUME I KNOW EVERYTHING...

As a life coach I have hunches, intuitions and opinions about why someone is feeling, thinking or behaving a certain way. My years of studying human behavior may even lead me to believe I might have an interpretation, solution or option that could benefit them. This is all well and good as long as I do not assume I am right. I ask questions and I test it out. I reveal my inferences based on previous experience, learning and understanding, not as a method to prove, but to reveal greater understanding and clarity. I am open to being “wrong”. I avoid moving into the realm of arrogance and therefore assumptions, by staying open to the client’s reality and experience. Doing this in all relationships, including the one you have with yourself is empowering and allows for greater harmony, success, creativity and joy.

“The harder you fight to hold on to specific assumptions, the more likely there's gold in letting go of them.” ~ John Seely Brown

TO CHANGE YOUR VIEW – CHANGE YOUR VIEW

Assumptions and inferences permeate our lives because we cannot act without them. We make judgments, form interpretations and come to conclusions based on the beliefs we have formed. As I have talked about before you get what you believe in life. Your beliefs guide your thoughts, your behavior and your actions and therefore create every aspect of your experience. When you are not experiencing the life you want, it is time to question your assumptions. It is time to question the meaning you are attaching to events. This is where you notice the event, the person, the situation and then question your interpretation. Your interpretation is based on your assumptions - your particular point of view. When you stop and evaluate your interpretations you open your mind thereby opening yourself to a new belief and therefore a new reality. The assumptions you make about yourself; what you are capable of and what you deserve are either empowering or disempowering. Are you assuming something that is holding you back and limiting your potential? Your point of view is shaping your experience, begin to view your assumptions about others, yourself, the world and question their validity. What would happen if you challenged some of your assumptions? How could your relationships grow, creativity expand, life improve?