MATTER OF OPINION

TODAY I INVITE YOU TO:

Value Your Opinion

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” ~ Oscar Wilde

How many of your decisions and actions have been and are being shaped by the opinions and expectations of others? How much of your happiness is dependent on others living up to and conforming to your expectations? You are conditioned to seek approval and to strive for praise and from a young age your worth is established by your conformity to the tribe and their expectations. Many people are still stuck in this model and although they are independently living, they are not living independent of the opinions and influence of others. This goes the other way as well; you may feel you have a right to offer your opinion and to hold expectations of how other people should live. A great aspect of being in relationship with others is the sharing of ideas, influencing and mentoring and when mutual, offers connection and the opportunity to know oneself better. It is valuing other people’s opinion over your own, which keeps you tethered and disempowered and ultimately living in the shadow of your life.

IN MY OPINION

Everyday choices and every day the choices you are making are influenced by the opinions of others; what neighborhood you live in, the clothes you wear, the hairstyle you have, the car you drive. Not good or bad until you become frozen in a situation, locked into a feeling or limited in your choices because of the fear of disapproval and disappointing others. As you grow your own self-acceptance and worth you will become less concerned about meeting the expectations of others. Your value and definition of yourself will not depend on the approving view of the people around you. Indications that you are stuck in this addiction are: you are worried about what others are saying or thinking in regards to your choices, you are afraid to follow through on your ideas and goals because you do not know what others might think, you avoid speaking your mind and/or you are trying to keep up with the Jones’.

“Taking back our power means deciding who we are, and who we wish to be. This is only possible when we no longer make our past or other people’s opinions "about us". ~ Melanie Tonia Evans

YOUR OPINION OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS

Here is a big revelation – other people do not think the same way that you do! When you recognize that they are just testing their own perceptions and beliefs against others, you will recognize that nothing is ever really about you. The meaning you attach to opinions, whether it is others directed at you or yours directed it others – speaks more about you than the other person. This is always the case. It is easy to forget that more often than not your life and the way you are living it is not that big of a concern, nor are others really watching or caring about how you are going about your day. Many people assume that it is normal to expect things from others, to assume that you should get criticism or judgment or feedback from the people around you. Challenge this assumption. When you have expectations and opinions in regards to other’s behaviors and actions you set yourself up for pain and disappointment if they do not “see” the world as you do. And when you live your life as if you are indebted to the approval and adoration and acceptance of your peers, you suffer. As always this begins with a choice, a choice to allow each person the freedom of their reality. Make the choice to change your opinion of yourself; acknowledge and honor your value.

CONTRARY TO POPULAR OPINION

So how do you stop caring what others think? How do you stop expecting others to do what you think they should do? You just stop. This becomes easier the more clear you get in regards to what you want out of life, what you values and goals are and how your life will benefit from making the relevant choices. Although it can feel hurtful when others judge or criticize, it cannot hurt you as much as the belief that they are right and the subsequent anxiety this creates. It also hurts more waking up one day and realizing your life has been a conglomeration of your parents, friends and neighbors expectations. A great place to start is to notice when you are judging or criticizing yourself. By becoming more self-accepting you will start to soften and blur your vision of those around you and focus on creating the life you want. Whose life do you want to live? I invite you to let go of needing approval. Stop listening to other people's opinions over your own.