WEARING YOUR HEART ON YOUR SLEEVE

"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey." ~Kenji Miyazawa

I was checking Twitter recently and found out from life coach Cheryl Richardson that Debbie Ford had passed away. For those of you not familiar, she was an author, thought leader, coach and an illuminator of that which can set us free. She wrote many books including: The Dark Side of the Light Chasers (1998); Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy (2008); The 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse: A Breakthrough Program for Connecting Your Soul's Deepest Purpose (2009). I reflected on her work and sent a silent thought to her friends and family and continued to read. Cheryl Richardson continued,  “It’s not easy grieving and living. I want to hang a sign around my neck that says I lost a soul sister, please don’t mind my tears.” A follower of hers then went on to say that the tradition of wearing only black or a black arm band indicated that one was processing grief. This made me consider how often we try and hide our pain from others, embarrassed by it, not wanting to burden, afraid of its power or how it might look. Sometimes we cannot reach out, for even that simple act requires energy that is needed for the basic act of breathing. It made me consider the importance of being able to feel what we feel without shame and sometimes without the need for words. Far from wanting pity, I see it as desiring to be seen for where we are at, held up by grace and love from those around us, a safe circle of understanding and support as we walk where we must.

“Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness, to pull another hand into the light.”~Norman B. Rice

A BLACK DAY

There is value in mourning rituals and although many are far too restrictive, sexist or based on religious concepts that do not fit today’s society. Two years of wearing black, no entertainment and strict guidelines in regards to dress and behavior may have served more to enslave a person to their grief, rather than free them, however there is still something to be taken from the idea of the unspoken announcement of the current experience. There are times when words fail, both for us and others. There are times when we are hurting and feel alone and cannot reach out, for even the smallest gesture feels gigantic and impossible. The tradition of wearing all black, far from being morbid or somber, could be viewed as helpful, as an SOS, an unspoken “please know that although I am walking among you and moving through life, I am burdened by sorrow”. How many times in your life, even when not dealing with the loss of a loved one, have you been in a less than great place? Health issues, job loss, relationship challenges, all painful, are all a form of grieving for easier times and peace. During these moments when words fail and emotions are high, a sign around your neck might have been useful: “Seeking solace, tenderness, space and grace, as my life is particularly difficult right now.”

"Mourning is not forbidden, you know." ~Simin Daneshvar

READ THE SIGNS

Although it may not be practical to wear a sign or black is not for you, it behooves each of us to remember that we do not always know each other’s story or struggle and we do not know what each of us is experiencing in that exact moment on our journey. It also reminds us that pain does not equal shame. Drop resiliency and a stiff upper lip and all that and feel what you feel. This is necessary and honest and is a poignant affirmation of life. Acknowledging the pain, reaching out when you can and allowing it to move through you is the first step in easing its power.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~Plato