What Rocky, A Cancer Survivor and a Kindergarten Teacher All Have in Common

“One is doing well if age improves, even slightly, one's capacity to hold on to that vital truism: "This too shall pass.” ~ Alain de Botton

I have come to see one particular value, strength and character trait as fundamental to a good life; a life of success, happiness, health and thriving relationships. One tool that is slightly above all others, which has the power to transform and tackle any challenge, shift any course and make us the heroines of our lives. It is what we are praising in others when we say things like, “I do not know how you did that, you made it look easy, you handled that with such grace, it was amazing how you turned that around, your quick action saved the day and so on." What is this magic tool? Resilience.

Resilience is the ability to respond to pressures and tragedies, effectively and quickly and flexibly. It is very unlikely that any one of us will get through our entire lives without being asked to face, deal with or handle something we simply do not want to be saddled with. And it is in these moments that our resilience will be put to the test. Can we shift a perspective, sort through options and stay open and trusting? Can we still, in the midst of it all, find some gratitude, empathy and compassion for ourselves and others? Our aptitude for this can allow us to create something meaningful out of the meaningless; designing a stored, effective narrative and template for dealing with hardships. As a committed, daily practice it greatly increases our chances of following through on goals, stopping the bad habits and making changes when necessary.

TEACH AN OLD BRAIN NEW TRICKS

Hard-wired in the brain due to evolution and the drive to survive, individual resilience is varied and is dependent on our learned responses. Our unique brain patterns have been forged by our responses and choices over time and is our "conditioning." How our brains have been “programmed” or conditioned to handle setbacks, pain and challenges, determines whether we get back up like Rocky or whether we stay down for the count. What is exciting and important here, is that even if resilience is not a well-honed response, you can teach the brain a new way. By increasing empathy, gratitude and self-compassion, you can rewire the brain and essentially “teach an old dog” (or brain, in this case), new tricks! You can teach yourself how to be more resilient;  by practicing and improving how you handle the smaller stressor of everyday life, you can then store up a plan (new programming) for the day when a larger storm rolls in. Resilience means that you will move away from surviving and flight-or-fight and will be able to actively apply techniques, processes and an approach that will minimize the collateral damage to others, your health and you long-term peace and happiness. It also means you become finely tuned to recognizing when you are off balance in the everyday and you have the skills to course correct with compassion.

“I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning to sail my ship.” ~ Louisa May Alcott

HOW TO BE ROCKY:

Program the Brain: You know that the brain is malleable and that you can learn new patterns by choosing to engage in practices, thoughts and habits that endorse resilience. You condition the brain by deciding how you want to respond, what you want to learn and what you want to be able to say about the experience. You author the story in your favor, writing your own personal guidebook for future use.

Presence: You stay in the moment and remain calm and at ease in a crisis. You avoid blaming and becoming a victim. You do this by lasering in on present moment choices and actions that support an improvement in the current affairs.

Perspective: You get a clear picture of your reaction: what is happening, what needs to happen and the various moves to get there. You avoid making things more dramatic than they are. You are also willing to put the event in perspective against the larger backdrop of your life and see it as a temporary challenge, setback or pain.

Possibility: You may not see the outcome, reason or learning, yet, but you are open to the possibilities and choose to find self-development and growth, building new skills and growing wisdom.

Partnership: You connect with others and reach for and ask for support. You know that you do not need to have all the answers or be the expert and you trust others to support you.

Perseverance and Courage: You remember the other times you have been through difficulties and you “call upon” what worked, learn from what did not and move forward, even and especially when, you do not feel like.  

Rocky, a cancer survivor and a kindergarten teacher all call upon these skills in different ways and at different times in order to persevere despite setbacks, persist despite pain, and proceed in pursuit of the moment when the crisis has passed. Developing character, experience and a trusted and trained response that will serve them day-to-day and when faced with the larger blows in life.

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”~ Albert Einstein