MUSINGS ON LOVE

"Using another as a means of satisfaction and security is not love. Love is never security; love is a state in which there is no desire to be secure; it is a stage of vulnerability."  

~ J Krishnamurti

Ah love… With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, I am once again amused by our society’s incomplete, confusing and often ridiculous interpretation, packaging and selling of this most sought after of all commodities. It is not a hidden gem, it is not found and it is not a thing.  Love, my beloveds, is reverence and acceptance.

MAKE A CHOICE

Reverence means to treat someone or something with deep respect. Period. Not deep respect if they or when they. It is not an exchange for a certain result. It is not a reward for good behavior or withheld with bad behavior. It is not kept from you when you do not “toe the line” or held hostage from others when your preferences or expectations are not met.  It is not a feeling. It is a choice and an action; a demonstration of meeting a person where they are in each moment.  

MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL...

Real love is the ability to be connected to another, but detached from their outcomes and choices. The moment you can unhook your happiness, peace and well-being from others, is the moment you understand real love. When you accept that you cannot control others, you will be free to create the peace you desire. The moment your honor another person, as a person and their journey, as their own, including your spouse and close family members, well, now you will be living, in love. The mind tingling beauty here, is that as you do this, it will be reflected back to you. Our brains, designed to mirror each other, are always copying and mimicking each other’s behaviors. Control begets control, anger begets anger and anxiousness begets anxiousness. And so, in the same breath, acceptance begets acceptance, supports begets support and you can see where I am going here. Others do not feel loved when you want to change or fix or help them the way you want to. They will be more open to ideas and options when they feel accepted as they are. Ask yourself, what is happening when I experience love?" Are you experiencing judgement? Are you being asked to change? Feeling pressured to do it someone else’s way?  

Love is acceptance and therefore, you are revering another and this is a place of vulnerability. There is no predictability, no assurance, no security - there just is. 

 That is the pureness of real love.

HOW:

Take responsibility for your own peace and happiness. If you find yourself saying, "if he/she would only... then I could finally feel...", it is time to make it your purpose to learn what and how to create this feeling for yourself. The second thing is to accept that you do not have control of your loved ones, so stop trying to control or pretending that you should have it. Let it go. How could you love those around you today? How could you love yourself?