WHAT COULD HAPPEN IF...
You asked for what you needed?
Do you secretly believe that, if
he/she loves me or knows me, then they will know what I like and what I need? Do you hint or imply or leave clues, hoping that the people in your life will
receive these messages like a psychic in a traveling fair? A moment of insight, at just the right moment? Do you think, I would, so they should! Or, I would
never, so of course, why would they? Or do you stop yourself from sharing what
would be most helpful or supportive or valued, for fear of looking needy,
weak or being a burden? Well, if you do any of these, welcome to the human
experience! But, what could happen if you simply asked for what you needed?
You might get it! Resentment will have no place as you will be in charge of and responsible
for your own satisfaction and joy. You will experience more meaningful
relationships and you will stop waiting for others to disappoint you or let you down.
You will build trust. In yourself and others. You will be vulnerable and will learn that the people who care for you, will do what they can to support you in getting that need met. And, when it does not go so well, you will learn to trust that you can pick up the pieces, re-calibrate and nurture yourself.
You will teach others to do the
same. You will give others permission to speak up and to stop the
guessing game. Grey area, fuzziness and confusion will disappear and all your
connections will thank you for it. You can stop speculating and assuming –
imagine the free time and extra energy!
No more sabotaging. Mentally, emotionally and/or physically. Unmet needs such as: love, support, affection, recognition, fun are at the root of most relationship issues, poor health habits, sabotaging behaviors, disjointed goals and on and on. Why? Because when you do not know how to ask for, meet and support your needs in a healthy way (listening to yourself, getting support, reaching out for help, committing to choices each day) - you will inevitably try and meet them in a not-so-healthy and less productive way (using guilt, pouting, over-eating, stopping and starting things, etc.) As you get the need met, the bad habits start to fade and your ability to create what is most important becomes aligned with what you value.
No more sabotaging. Mentally, emotionally and/or physically. Unmet needs such as: love, support, affection, recognition, fun are at the root of most relationship issues, poor health habits, sabotaging behaviors, disjointed goals and on and on. Why? Because when you do not know how to ask for, meet and support your needs in a healthy way (listening to yourself, getting support, reaching out for help, committing to choices each day) - you will inevitably try and meet them in a not-so-healthy and less productive way (using guilt, pouting, over-eating, stopping and starting things, etc.) As you get the need met, the bad habits start to fade and your ability to create what is most important becomes aligned with what you value.
HOW:
1. EMBRACE THE VULNERABILITY. Take the risk and express and request. For most people it is the feeling of being a bother or looking weak that stops them in their tracks. We are hardwired to loathe rejection and making a direct request is a sure-fire way to get shot down. Don’t ask, don’t risk - no worries of rejection. Also though, no chance of getting what we need or honoring ourselves either.
2. DROP THE BELIEF THAT YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO ASK! It is not a demand, expectation or ultimatum. It is the highest form of respect for yourself and others. It is a message of value. You are saying, I trust you and care about you enough to let you see me, get to know me and to support me and I want to do the same. Don’t buy into the small part of you that tries to convince you that you are a bother, not worth it or that they can't or won't.
3.TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Listen to and give yourself what you need consistently. Need to rest? Do it. Need to meet new people? Get out there. Need to break a habit? Get support. It is not up to others to take of your needs - they are simply an ally in your meeting them for yourself. Get to know yourself, uncover and source what you need more of - affection, recognition, fun and jack up your life and your choices to start taking care of them.
4. BE CLEAR AND BE SPECIFIC! Saying to your husband, I want you to be more romantic, is as ambiguous as Paris Hilton saying, that’s cute. There is a wide array of romantic and maybe your version of romantic is another person’s version of cheesy. Life is too short to pretend to be happy, keep your mouth shut and wait around for others to get it. Only you, really know what you need and therefore the onus is on you to articulate, reinforce and express gratitude when it does show up.
5. GET NEEDY. The sooner you learn what your needs are, the sooner you can take care of them and not need them any longer. This means that you you will have created an environment, habits, relationships and skills that automatically meet this need. You will have designed your world in such a way that they are taken care of. What more could you need?!
So, what could happen if? You may find that life is more fulfilling, connected and joyful. You might find that if you are vulnerable, clear and specific you will will stop being needy, and instead, be all and find all that you need.
1. EMBRACE THE VULNERABILITY. Take the risk and express and request. For most people it is the feeling of being a bother or looking weak that stops them in their tracks. We are hardwired to loathe rejection and making a direct request is a sure-fire way to get shot down. Don’t ask, don’t risk - no worries of rejection. Also though, no chance of getting what we need or honoring ourselves either.
2. DROP THE BELIEF THAT YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO ASK! It is not a demand, expectation or ultimatum. It is the highest form of respect for yourself and others. It is a message of value. You are saying, I trust you and care about you enough to let you see me, get to know me and to support me and I want to do the same. Don’t buy into the small part of you that tries to convince you that you are a bother, not worth it or that they can't or won't.
3.TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Listen to and give yourself what you need consistently. Need to rest? Do it. Need to meet new people? Get out there. Need to break a habit? Get support. It is not up to others to take of your needs - they are simply an ally in your meeting them for yourself. Get to know yourself, uncover and source what you need more of - affection, recognition, fun and jack up your life and your choices to start taking care of them.
4. BE CLEAR AND BE SPECIFIC! Saying to your husband, I want you to be more romantic, is as ambiguous as Paris Hilton saying, that’s cute. There is a wide array of romantic and maybe your version of romantic is another person’s version of cheesy. Life is too short to pretend to be happy, keep your mouth shut and wait around for others to get it. Only you, really know what you need and therefore the onus is on you to articulate, reinforce and express gratitude when it does show up.
5. GET NEEDY. The sooner you learn what your needs are, the sooner you can take care of them and not need them any longer. This means that you you will have created an environment, habits, relationships and skills that automatically meet this need. You will have designed your world in such a way that they are taken care of. What more could you need?!
So, what could happen if? You may find that life is more fulfilling, connected and joyful. You might find that if you are vulnerable, clear and specific you will will stop being needy, and instead, be all and find all that you need.
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